He's back, guys. The discouragement monster is back and this time I feel like I'm letting him win. You know that feeling when you're on the verge of tears and you know that that one little thing is just going to set you off leaking from your eyes? It's kind of like that. I feel like I'm on the very edge of just slumping down on the couch and saying "I've had enough". I know that I shouldn't do that, and I also know that I won't, but COME ON! The scale is driving me mental! And before anyone says anything it's not the only measure I use. I do inches lost and I do take progress photos, but I have a goal weight I'm trying to get to because I know that when I do get there I'll really be in a much more comfortable and healthier range for my height. My goal weight for those who don't know, is 132 lbs and I have the desire to meet that goal by my weigh day of July 27. That's as close to my start date last year (July 24) as I could get with my official weigh-in.
And now, let's go for a little trip, shall we? This is what my weigh-ins have looked like since I hit the 140s:
Mar. 23 - 146.3 (this is the first time I've ever seen a weight that low for myself)
Mar. 30 - 149.3 (bright spot here: I stayed in the 140s!)
Apr. 6 - 147.4
Apr. 13 - 148.5
Apr. 20 - 149.0
May 4 - 146.4
May 11 - 149.0
So that's how that goes. Can you see why I'm frustrated? It looks like I have a bit of a trend where I hit 149, the next week I go down, following that I go up a bit, then BAM! I hit 149 again. The only day I'm extremely peeved about is today's weigh in. Why? Not only because it's the third time I've gone through this little cycle but because on Monday I implemented my meal plan I said I was going to get started with in my last blog. Last Saturday I worked out the foods and snacks I wanted in a day using the SparkPeople cookbook and then Sunday I went grocery shopping and did all my meal prep. Things were put away in the fridge in serving size portions so I could grab them, heat them up and eat! The meals all stay within my calorie range (1440 - 1770) and actually tended to be on the lower end of the range for the most part. That being said, I must admit that there was one day I didn't stick to the plan and know that I went over the range. That was Wednesday, but my fantastic excuse for that is that Wednesday was my birthday and I wanted to enjoy myself and that's precisely what I did. HOWEVER! I didn't enjoy myself enough to erase all the good work I've been doing the rest of the week (and continue to do afterwards) and gain about 2.6 lbs of fat to be at 149 lbs. There's no way that that happened and that's what I'm trying to remind myself of. It's NOT all fat that I've gained--sure there may be some, but all of it? I don't think so.
I guess I'm just more frustrated than anything. I'm tired of seeing 149 because I don't want to go back into the 150s AND 149 is 11 lbs away from the weight I want to be at by my June 1st weigh in (I have smaller goals culminating in my overall goal). That's in 3 weeks time and looking at the numbers is what ends up getting me discouraged. I just don't think that I'll be able to make it to my June 1st weigh in goal and that just makes my bigger goal of 132 seems so far away and unattainable for me. Although, starting out at 172.9 lbs last July, I never thought I'd see any number starting with 1-4 on my scale and I proved myself wrong, didn't I?
Do you think I'm putting too much pressure on myself by focusing so much on the date and the number on the scale? Because I've considered that and feel like maybe I AM putting too much pressure on myself with that goal date of July 27th and being so focused on what I see on the scale and not giving myself any wiggle room. But throughout my own journey, I've realized that if I don't give myself a day that I want to reach my goal weight by I'm not going to push myself with my workouts and I'm going to cheat like nobody's business with my eating. Again, though, I'm just frustrated today and that number could be the result of any number of things. I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow but sometimes we've just gotta vent, right? And I'm so glad I have a community of people I can reach out to!