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Who is sabotaging your success

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Yesterday a friend whom I talk with every day, said she needed to "talk to me". It's never good when someone says this, she asked if I was upset with her. Since I started my healthy makeover in January, we don't go out shopping and lunch 3-4 times a week as we use to nor do we have cocktails on her porch. DH & I also moved into our lake house which is only 3 miles away rather than just down the street as before and she is upset that we aren't down the street. I have also been very busy with my volunteer work, which keeps me on the speaking circuit.

I assured her that as I did call her every day, which showed my sincerity of our friendship, but that I was committing to a healthier lifestyle and reminded her that in January, I told her I would not be going on our outings as we had in the past. Her reply was that I should go to the gym less. She also went on to tell me that my top made me look fat.

This was someone who supported by healthy change initially, but now that I am smaller than her, I think she is changing her tune. Has this happened to you?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    First of all, you don't need someone like her in your life. I'm not even going to call her your "friend" because she's not acting like one. Anyone who resorts to childishly putting down others must be really insecure about herself. Jealousy is what it is. If she refuses to be a positive support, then you don't need a catty person like her around you. The woman has no tact, that's for sure.
    I'm reminded on an essay I once read in an English class I took in college. It addressed "life time-frame" friends. Meaning those friends you only have for a certain period of time in your life (ie. high school friends, neighbors in your first apartment building, a child's friend's mother, etc.). A lot of times it's a shared experience that brings people together that makes them friends (ie. your child's friend's mom and you were both sending your oldest children off to kindergarten at the same time). You were able to get together for coffee and share your thoughts on what you both were going through. Eventually, that "time-frame" shared experience moved on, you found less things to share with each other and the friendship ended. That's what I think happened here.
    You are changing your health for the better and she is not able to handle that. The "time-frame" of the two of you going out to eat, both of you being overweight and sharing those experiences together has ended for you, but she's still stuck there. Maybe that's truly all the two of you ever had to share together and nothing else. If there was something else she would have suggested that you do that activity (or activities) together and not just go out to eat. I would suggest that the two of you take walks or work out together, but since her immaturity reared it's ugly head it doesn't seem like she'd be willing to do that. People have to change in their own time and on their own terms. You changed before she did. Maybe the loss of your friendship will be a wake-up call for her. If not, it's her loss, not yours. Personally, I'm not into the "I'm putting you down because of my insecurities" rubbish.

    1769 days ago
    YES this has happened to me before. I'm really sorry that it's happened to you as well. I have essentially no friends anymore, since committing to a healthier lifestyle. They all felt very offended and rejected...but you just can't let their insecurities stop you from being the very best version of yourself that you can be. I've learned that TRUE FRIENDS are not threatened by this...they will be by your side, empowering you and lifting you up...not dragging you down and trying to sabotage your success.
    1771 days ago

    I'm sorry.

    It IS the way of the world, though. Some people will slowly (or swiftly) move out of your orbit. Truth is - I never talk about my weight loss to friends who still need to lose weight unless they ask. My closest friend asked me just Friday what I thought she ought to try - and she rejected every suggestion I made. Eh. She didn't want to hear.

    Jealousy is so painful. I've felt it and expressed it - and I hate it whenever it happens. Maybe she can join you in the healthier activities you do - but you know you must be true to your own good health, whatever her decision.

    1771 days ago
    Wow. So sorry about your friend's attitude. sounds like she misses you, but is going about telling you that in the wrong way. Maybe you two can go on a shopping trip together instead of going to lunch or having cocktails. If she is just jealous, then maybe she will adjust to the new healthier you and get over herself. Right now you need supportive, positive friends and I hope she can become one, or at least keep her thoughts to herself!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1772 days ago
    hmm, sorry to hear about your friend, that doesnt sound like a good situation, she should be supportive and happy for you... I have experienced this with my family however, i am now at my goal weight, but for the past few months they have been telling me to stop losing weight even though i was doing really well. emoticon emoticon
    1772 days ago
    Wow...I would question whether or not she is really a true friend? Jealousy is an ugly thing....I believe that a true friend would be totally supportive, 100% of the time. We need to surround ourselves with positive people....those who support and encourage. Sounds like the less time you spend with this person, the better.

    1772 days ago
    Jealousy is never pretty. I am so sorry that you have not received continued support from this friend, but I am proud of you for continuing your journey!

    You are worth it!

    1772 days ago
    emoticon on your emoticon progress!

    it's probably tough for your friend to see you making changes that SHE would like to make, but isn't committed to yet.

    as far as who is sabotaging MY success... emoticon yep. It's always ME
    1772 days ago
    In a hurry this morning. Have to cross the state by 9:00 for granddaughter's softball game!

    emoticon Make Today a Great Day!
    1772 days ago
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