Ah, it's amazing to see how people react to overweight people sometimes, especially in a restaurant.
Standing in line to get my take-out food recently, I noticed two teeny-weeny teeny boppers throwing a shocked look in my direction.
Next to them, I felt like a beached whale and wanted to disappear.
I placed my order with them looking at me, or so it seemed.
While this is going on, I imagined they might be thinking, "you gonna order that?" when I ordered a foot-long sub, as opposed to the tiny 6-inch sub size that they ordered.
I'm not yet ready for 6-inch subs, at least in most cases. I'm sorry, but my appetite just can't stand that as a meal.
I fit it all in my tracker, one way or another, but they don't know that.
Anyway, it's funny how one moment I might feel okay about myself and at peace with my appearance and how that all can go away in an instant the moment a skinny person throws me a shocked stare or says something completely insensitive.
Fortunately, nothing was said to me, although I wouldn't doubt something was said, as the chatter eventually ensued, at least a few decibels below any one else's hearing.
Of course it would be rude of me to listen, and I wouldn't want to hear anyway, but it was bouncing around the back of my mind as I noticed them there after that obvious stare I just received.
It's weird how such a moment can make even a repaired self esteem retreat. The old tattered and beaten up version of self esteem that I thought I left behind crept up on me again.
It makes me wonder just how fragile my newly-repaired self esteem really is. And here I thought it was getting stronger.
I guess I better strengthening it - building up those self esteem muscles.
I'd like to anyway, so next time I find myself needing a strong self esteem, it's there waiting for me.
I remember once being in a grocery store parking lot and some guy yelled out his window at me, "doesn't that car have a weight limit?"
I was mortified.
I hurried into my car after loading my groceries in the trunk and drove off in tears. I also avoided going to that store on that day at that time just in case I might bump into him again.
It's really sad actually. I didn't know the guy. I didn't look at him long enough to pick him out of a lineup, and here I'm altering my schedule for this guy.
What a creep. This guy was a grown man, not a teenager. I would expect that of someone who was young, but this guy was not, or certainly in my quick glance didn't appear to be so.
Unfortunately, maturity and wisdom don't always accompany age.
I wish I had a quick comeback for the guy, but I'm not sure that he would have left me alone if I said something.
So out of fear, I kept my mouth shut.
Wow. What a prison that fear is. I want out!