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Top 10 List of the Day: My most important NSV's along the way

Friday, May 10, 2013

10. Sitting comfortably in an airplane seat. I travel for my job. I remember on April 10th of last year our team flying out to California. I recall having to take a window seat next to a random guy. My hips and thighs were so big that no matter how hard I tried to avoid it, my thighs were touching his legs the entire flight. I tried to turn a little in my seat so that I wouldn't make him uncomfortable and I remember the feeling of my belly fat pinching into the band of my jeans. I usually fly Southwest and if you are not one of the first to board, you have to do the akward stroll through the cabin hoping someone would elect you to sit in the seat next to them. I knew I couldn't go through that again. Today, I sit comfortably on planes. I can walk through the cabin without having to turn sideways. People don't seem disappointed when they have to sit next me.

9. I look forward to doctor's visits now. Before I knew my blood pressure would read high and it was mostly because of the anxiety of having to step on the scale. That feeling is gone. I still have weight to lose but my doctor sees how far I have come and congratulates me. Now I look forward to going so that I can guage my progress.

8. Less hair, acne, body odor, discharge, easier periods.

7. Last month I ran my first race of the year, a 5k. It wasn't a certified course. But that day sticks out to me in so many ways. It was the first race that I felt like an athlete. I have run 5 or 6 races before this. While I did good in most of them, I didn't feel like an athlete. I felt like a chubby girl with something to prove. At the start of this particular race, my honey took some pictures of me.

That was the first time I looked at myself and thought, "I look pretty slim." I was shocked. To top that day off, I ran alone, without music and for some reason, I couldn't stop smiling. I warned my honey that it would take me about 37 min to reach the finish line and told him to relax. Before I knew it the finish line was ahead of me. I finished the run in 28:18! When I got my ranking, I was dead in the middle overall BUT was in the top 25% of women!! That was a long way from my first 5k just 9 months before.

6. I get to wear a standard size, designer wedding dress.

5. I get noticed AND ignored. People are finally looking at me first and not my weight. People don't immediately count me out because I am fat. People hold the door for me more often. Customer service has improved. People compliment me. They complimented me before but there was always an asterisk attached to the compliment ("You really know how to carry yourself . . .for a woman of size" or "You have the prettiest face.") At the same time, I can now blend in. I don't stand out like a sore thumb. I am not the fat girl in the picture. I am just "normal."

4. I can tolerate myself naked.

3. I feel prepared. Any other time I have lost weight, I have done it in a bubble. I secluded myself from the real worl and real temptations. The moment I was exposed to those things again, I fell apart and gained the weight back. In January, I decided I was going to concentrate on living as if I was in maintenance mode. I knew I wouldn't lose as much weight, but I wanted to make sure I knew how to live and still be healthy. Well, since then, I have only lost about 6 lbs. But I haven't gained. I haven't felt deprived once. I have had fun. I never stopped working out. I never allowed myself to go haywire. I feel that WHEN I get to my goal weight, I will be ready to manage that weight.

2. I can breathe. I cleaned up my health. I had just been diagnosed with sleep apnea two months before starting this journey. My loud snoring kept my fiance up at all hours of the night. I would wake up for air sometimes. Now I can run! I have no problems with breathing at all while I do it. I sleep soundly and have not had a reoccurence of sleep apnea in about 9 months.

1. I have a new lease on life. It may sound cliche, but it is true. So many things have happened over the past several years. I had my daughter 3 months premature, her dad and I divorced, I lost my home to foreclosure, my daughter was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and ultimately she passed away before her 2nd birthday. That was a horrible, horrible time for me. After she passed, i was disgusted with myself for abusing the healthy body that I was given after watching her fight daily with a broken body. It was disresepctful. I told myself that Alicia didn't have a choice or capacity to fix herself, but my health was completely up to me. In the three years since her passing, I have lost weight and gained it back. But I have also rebuilt my life. I see my weight loss journey as a way for me to take control of my depression and anger. I am now able to inspire other women. I am able to pay my daughter respect by respecting my body. That is the hugest NSV for me.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You look emoticon and I hope that you emoticon and never give up! NSV are just as important! I love yours :)
    1733 days ago
    Your blog has reminded me to remember why I want to lose weight, and after losing my "babygirl Kayla" a few months ago gives me hope that I too can be an "OVERCOMER"

    1734 days ago
    I have not been on spark lately and that's because I've lost my motivation. But the thing I've missed the most have been your blogs. You are raw, you keep it 100, and not everyone is as authentic as you!

    Thanks for always sharing your experiences no matter what they are. You are awesome. God blessed you with a beautiful angel that continues to live in your heart emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1736 days ago
    awesome blog but i'm not surprised because you're awesome too! proud of your success and your maturity!
    1738 days ago
    GREAT BLOG...please go to my page and read the blog about "THE GIRL WITH THE PRETTY FACE" After some of your comments I SO know you will relate!
    1742 days ago
    This is an amazing blog, my friend. What a great, honest, REAL list of NSVs. It is really refreshing to read your blogs. Thank you for sharing this. Once again, I am incredibly proud of all you are accomplishing! :) I know your daughter is looking down on you so happy and proud of the strong, beautiful woman her mama is. xoxo
    1743 days ago
    You are a strong woman and this journey is the reason. Alicia is so proud of you and your commitment to a healthy body! Keep at it! You are DOING it!
    1744 days ago
    Amazing blog! Congratulations on your strength and your perseverance. You are a true inspiration!
    1744 days ago
    I loved reading this blog, I think you have overcome so many things in life, have been through a lot, but look how STRONG you have come out of this!! You are a person to look up to and admire! Life goes on, but you have a choice, you can either let it run you over or take it by the horns and go along for the ride!

    Love it! emoticon
    1744 days ago
    Great blog as always. I have that same photo you have in the background of you with your beautiful daughter. Keep up the great work, you've reminded me and I'm sure others that it's not just in the pounds loss but we have accomplished so much more
    1744 days ago
  • 2016LUTMP
    THANK YOU for your posts. You are real and inspiring.
    1745 days ago
    Amazing entry....
    Thank you so much for sharing!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1745 days ago
    Oh, Nikki, we all are inspired by your dedication and achievements! You have done SO MUCH to better your health! Keep up your great work - you are emoticon
    1745 days ago
    This is incredible. You are doing your daughter proud. I especially relate to #5, being more noticed and more ignored. It is sad but true, I receive much better treatment from strangers, especially men. The other day a man held the elevator door for me much longer than was necessary, it took me about ten seconds and even though he was holding people up, the passengers were also men and they all smiled at me even though I was making them late! It was surreal.
    1745 days ago
    1745 days ago
  • PURPLE180
    Beautiful blog and such a beautiful Angel Alicia is. God puts no more on us than we can bear, you are one strong woman. emoticon
    1745 days ago
  • SUGAR0814
    Keep up the great job you're doing! emoticon emoticon
    1745 days ago
  • MJ7DM33
    WTG girl! WTG girl! Great blog!
    1745 days ago
    I love the way you write! Great going. emoticon
    1745 days ago
    This is a great blog. You are a leader with a heart of gold. You are an inspiration to me.
    Thank you. emoticon Jeanne emoticon emoticon
    1745 days ago
    You are a warrior, a conqueror and a queen, I am deeply touched by your strength and so so proud of your accomplishments. You are a true inspiration to not only me but to women in general. Congratulation to the many triumphs you've had in your life and much success to you and your soon to be hubby.
    1745 days ago
  • MISSB8604
    Girl, this blog brought tears to my eyes. Powerful, POWERFUL stuff. I congratulate you.
    1745 days ago
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