I sit here wondering why I do these things to myself. Why, pray tell, do I put myself in positions to beat myself up over stupid things? I know that my newfound dedication to a healthier lifestyle will benefit me, my family, and ultimately, the universe I'm sure, yet I still get into situations that are sure to sap all the positive feelings and motivation out of me. I am of course talking about...dressing room mirrors.
Spawned by Satan himself, these evil creations have no mercy. They seem to take great delight in pointing out any and all flaws that one takes care to gloss over in the course of a normal day. As I stood before this abomination, holding the meager choices that I felt might possibly fit my four pounds lighter body, I swear I heard chuckling.
I found myself in this situation because of my daughter. Technically, my stepdaughter, but I have been there for almost eight years so she is mine too. A banquet for some school thing. She wants me to go. That is awesome! Last year no one could come but this year not only her father and I are off work, but so is her other mother. My ex-wife-in-law. Oh yea. This is gonna be fun.
Now let me state for the record that she and I do not have a horrible relationship. I respect that she is the childrens birthmother and she does not give me grief, at least to my face. She also knows that things could be much worse, as a recent indiscretion on my beloved's part proved. So we laugh and joke with each other when we are forced to interact, but we are not BFF's. This said, when I have to be around her I do not want to look as though I had to raid the dump bin at Goodwill to find something to wear, whether I did or not. With a family this large, money is at a premium, so I rarely venture into the world of clothing stores unless it's for school clothes.
However, there I am, standing in front of this glorified magnifying glass, trying to remember that looks aren't everything, it's not a competition, blah, blah, blah. I know I've got that inner beauty thing down, yes I'm sure my intestines are quite lovely, but for some reason it's just not doing a whole lot of good right at this moment. This one shows every bulge, that one makes me look like my grandmother, and that one...ick. Finally, I come away with something. Not really me, but it will do. More importantly, I have survived this trial by fire! Okay. A little melodramatic, but the simple fact that I did not rush to the grocery store and purchase a gallon of Blue Bell, (to be consumed, with great relish, at one sitting) tells me one thing. I am going to succeed! In the past any blow to what hard won self confidence I had would cause me to crumble. Not this time!
You may say that all this is vanity. I should be more concerned that I am becoming healthier and more energetic and that what I am doing will lengthen my life so that I will be able to be there for my children and grandchildren. This is true. However, I feel that being comfortable with how you look is important too. I will never be a beauty queen. On the other hand, I can totally rock this next half century! Yes sirree, and that's what I'm gonna do!!!