Sometimes reality bites! Venting
Friday, May 10, 2013
I've been struggling with weight loss for a long time now but recently I've been on a health kick. I've decided that i cant live unhealthy anymore. I've been successful at shedding some pounds but not all that i need to. I definilty appreciate all the great compliments and the cheers from others but I'm just not happy at the weight I am at. I'm still considered Obese! I wont be in the Overweight category until I shed another 20 lbs and in the Normal category until I shed another 50 lbs! What the heck! I am healthier but I know if i stay this way I wont be as healthy as I want to be 10 years from now.
So, I decided to run the numbers to figure this out once and for all. Lately (the past month or two) I've only been loosing about 1 or .5 lbs per week. Which to me seems pathetic. It isn't fast enough!!!! I've changed the way I was eating. I eat clean and organic foods. On my cheat days i don't even over indulge. I keep it moderate so I couldn't understand the slow decline in weight. I'm fed up with not loosing weight at my desired pace. I wish I had a wand or a genie or some magical weight loos pill! They're all non existent and only lead to rebound yo yo dieting. I've got to figure this out!
Lately I've been listening to the Jillian Michaels pod cast. ( which I highly recommend. Love her!) She said that loosing weight is a numbers game. Calories in vs Calories out! Apparently to loose 2 lbs a week you have to have a deficit of 7,000 cal a week. Seems daunting but manageable. I decided to calculate my BMR and how many cal I'm burning at the gym. When I finished crunching the stupid numbers I realized that yes I was eating way too much. This is why my booty isn't getting any smaller. Ugh!!
I'm 5 feet tall! (Thanks dad!) I'm supposed to weigh a ridiculous 100 lbs. I mean I know that number seems normal for other 5 feet people but common!! I used to weigh 239 lbs at my heaviest. That's a ton of weight to loose. I'm already at 171 or so. It seems like I've lost a lot of weight but the cold hard truth is that I still have 70 lbs to go.
Today I feel like the task seems impossible. I know I should just push those thoughts out and I know I should just take it a day at a time but I feel like screaming at my damn body and at myself for allowing this to happen to me. Why did I allow myself to gain so much weight?! Emotional eating and the stress of college are no freakin excuse... Besides I graduated college back in 2006. Plenty of time has passed.
In crunching the numbers I realized that in order for me to loose 2 lbs a week I've to go eat no more than 1400 cal a day! There is no other way. Right now it seems impossible to me to let go of more food. I've got some serious analyzing to do this weekend. I'm starting on monday with the new low calories.
My goals for this weekend is to change my mind set from thinking 1400 cal is way too little to acknowledging that I've got to eat more fruits and veggies to replace all those carbs. I've got to stay positive and realize that healthy living doesn't mean you starve and are unhappy. It means that you get to discover new ways of cooking and you get to enjoy so many new veggies and dishes. It means that I can run up the stairs without running out of breath. It means I can tie my shoe without loosing my breath, which happened all the time at 239 lbs. I cant go back to that. I've got to keep going. Quitting half way isn't an option.
I've got to figure this out. I figured out how to loose half of the weight. I can figure out this new phase. After all if we weren't challenged everyday by a new problem then life wouldn't be life....