Finding Joy and Blessings out of being ill.
Friday, May 10, 2013
Well it's been a week or so since I have written a JOY blog. It's been a sad week of grieving the loss of a friend. It's been a week to REVIEW the past JOY blogs and read about all the wonderful blessings I have in my life.
Today on the way to work I decided I need to start looking for MORE blessings and JOY...and I need to start writing again.
The first thought that came to my mind was my illness. Last year was bad. A simple Gall Bladder surgery that turned tragic. I could have been the one buried last year, but by the grace of God I am still alive.
I know last year brought a lot of pain. It brought physical pain that sometimes I still feel as my scars are still fresh and hurting from time to time. It brought financial pain as the hospital bills continue to stack up and the five months out of work "SHOW" in my checking account. It brought emotional pain as I struggle to get back on my feet.
BUT somehow through all that pain...it did bring joy.
I was blessed by all my friends who sent me cards. Mailed me plants, and refrigerator magnets (Which I collect and now can add to)! I was visited in the hospital often and much joy was given to me by those that Love me. I was given blankets by those that crocheted them...and the hospital chaplain gave me a quilt - Blue and Purple my favorite colors.
BUT..all that wasn't all that I was given. Somehow in the midst of almost dying....something got a hold of my mother and....she woke up!
I say that because my mom and I have NEVER gotten along. Not growing up, not in my teens, not in my twenties...certainly not in my 30's. In fact, when I was 19 and the doctors thought I had a brain tumor and sent me to the hospital to run tests...I was freaked out that I was going to die. I called my mom hoping she would come with me to the hospital. She didn't. Her boyfriend came first. "Sorry...I can't come."
That hurt. 19 years old...no friends really. (long story there). I was alone..and thought I would die..and my mom couldn't bother to come. Heartbreak!
Turns out I didn't have a tumor and I was fine after 7 months of doctor tests and pills..and that's a hole other story.
But it gives you the relationship with my mom....THERE WAS NONE!
My mom has always been close to my little brother Adam (11 years younger than me)...and I always knew that. It's okay. She only called me to speak to Adam when he lived with me. I would go 8 months or longer and not hear from her...unless of course Adam was in town.
But....here I was...really sick. Doctors were not sure if I was going to make it. And who came to the hospital (Mind you....when I was 19 the hospital was 15 min away from mom. This time...the hospital was an hour and a half away from where she lived)....BUT...she was there. She came for the surgeries..and I honestly told her "DON"T COME"....I mean..we weren't close...and this time I had FRIENDS who loved me. Her response..."I didn't come when you were 19 and I feel horrible I wasn't there...let me come this time".
WOW??? Who is this woman???
Still holding doubt...thinking MAYBE she will just be nice..until the surgery is over?? I didn't know. But she came....In fact...she was at the hospital a few times during my month there. And when I went back into the hospital the second time she was there again. And when the hospital screwed up and almost gave me the drugs I was allergic too..and MORE....although my mom was in Vegas by then...she called the hospital and gave them HELL until the supervisor of the place came and saw me and FIXED what went wrong.
So??? Who is this woman...and why does she care? Is it because I almost died...and ya know somehow I always felt like "If I were to ever get sick and almost die my mom would WAKE UP and realize she loves me"....I just think it's odd that somehow that came true.
Now it's been almost a year since my first surgery (just 2 weeks away). And my mom is still keeping in contact. Is it because my brother is in the Phillipines serving our country as a Marine?? I don't know. He isn't around for her to TALK TO.....but whatever the point. She emails me if not every day...at least 3 times a week.
She emails about nothing in particular...mostly her little dog MAX (we finally having something in COMMON - our little dogs) Max is a Yorkie and my Hope is a Maltese and they get together and PLAY..it's kinda fun. Gives me and mom something in common and a reason to GET TOGETHER..."SO OUR DOGS CAN PLAY".
Go figure....it's still early....not quite a year yet....but to have my mom email me...and want to get together...and ya...it's just odd.
I guess I'm writing all this because this weekend is Mothers day. And for the first time in oh OVER 20 years....if not longer....I am going to go see my mom.
My illness and close call with Death...brought about at least a START of a relationship with the woman who is my mother.
So for that...I can feel blessed by.
We'll see how Mother's day goes this year!!!
ONE DAY AT A TIME!!
I expect nothing more!