Thursday, May 09, 2013
Yesterday was a terrible day. We all have them. I felt the way I did before I got back into Sparking. Tired, stressed, achy, unaccomplished and somehow stuck in a time warp. The day flew by without me doing a whole lot, and by the time I looked up at the clock, it was already 4 pm, I hadn't done the dishes or cleaned anything, the house was a wreck, I didn't exercise and I ate like crap. The only thing I did get done besides take a shower and dress the girls (and feed them of course) was to make a batch of cookies. Yep. Not the best idea for someone trying to eat healthy. I challenge anyone making a batch of cookies not to eat the cookie dough, or if you're strong enough to refrain from that, one of the freshly baked, right out of the oven, white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies. Drool. Anyhow, the girls and I made them to give to Leah's teachers for teacher appreciation week along with a note that said "Thanks for making me such a smart cookie." Throughout the day I probably ate four. Or five. Yep. Not proud. I had my husband take the rest to work today. Stupid cookies.
Plus, curiosity got the better of me and I put new batteries in my scale to see if I had lost any weight after eating better and exercising all week. Smugly, like it knew I couldn't stay away for too long, my scale in all its jerkiness showed me that I had in fact gained a pound. Swears. It was the middle of the day, so to check and see if it was right I weighed myself again today and I was back down to where I started. Take that, scale! But, I still didn't see any progress like I had been hoping. And that little black rain cloud, that I had been keeping at bay by not weighing myself, started to accumulate over me again. It followed me out of bed this morning, through our morning routine of getting the girls dressed and Leah to school.
After dropping her off and chatting with the other moms for a minute, I debated what to do next.
(In my head):
"Ugh. Let's just go home and work on Leah's birthday party stuff. Or go get some flowers to plant in the front yard. Your back hurts, you don't need to walk. You'll get exercise somehow today."
"But it'll only take 40 minutes or so to walk the trail. You could get in a mile and a half!"
"Ugh, no. I...just can't."
"You promised yourself. And you know how much Norah enjoys riding in the stroller."
"KERRY! Are you going to do this or what? Are you going to follow through with something ever? Is this going to be another try and fail, or try and succeed?"
"Groan. Ok, fine. But I'm not going to like it."
And you know what? I loved it. And I shaved 5 minutes off of my previous time.
My subconscious is an idiot. Its a stubborn four year old who won't get their PJs on even though its time for bed. (I have a lot of experience with this one). I don't have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other, I have me on one side and then Jabba the Hutt sitting in front of the TV eating ice cream and potato chip crumbs from the bottom of the bag. He can't even make it up to the other shoulder.45
It was warm out with a nice breeze, and once I got started all my aches and pains worked themselves out and I started feeling good. SO. GOOD. My body was singing. I was smiling. I thought about going around the mile and a half loop a second time, but I actually really did have stuff I had to get done. THEN, I went and bought flowers for the front of the house and seeds for my veggie garden plus some dirt, carted it home, went back for the kiddo from school and fed everyone lunch. The baby went down for a nap and I went outside, gathered my shovel and dug a flower garden in my front lawn.
We just bought our house in October of last year. The previous owners bought it to flip, got halfway done and called it a day. It has beautiful vaulted ceilings with exposed beams which was one of the nicer selling points to us when we bought it. This winter we discovered the exposed beams meant it wasn't insulated. Brrr.... And now that the sun is out all the time, it gets very hot. Yep, fixing that is at the top of our to do list. Anyhow, along those lines the yard was pretty neglected but backs right up to a small farm with beef cows, so I'm thinking decently fertilized. The weeds here are incredible, but I see a half acre of opportunity. I love gardening. Its a good day if I can get out and dig in the dirt, and the past couple of weeks have given me a lot of opportunity to do so. It is a chance for me to be alone with my thoughts or to wipe out everything from my brain other than dig, dig, weed, weed, water, water, repeat. It is just so fascinating to me to see something I've planted grow to have such beauty or produce such bounty, and it excites me that I can grow food to provide sustenance to my family.
After the flower bed was dug and planted, I sanded the mailbox down and painted it turquoise, because that's how I roll. Then I tried getting Leah involved with planting some of the seeds in the veggie garden. My hope is that she'll take such pride in what she planted and cared for that she'll actually eat them. This kid will eat a carrot stick and act like she deserves an Olympic medal. We have to hide a lot of veggies in her food, and thank goodness for Flintstones vitamins! She made it through planting the carrot seeds and lost interest. I got in cucumbers, sunflowers, zucchini, green onions and green beans to add to our jalapenos and sugar snap peas that were introduced as seedlings, then potted a bunch of herbs to decorate the one side of the house that is still bare. Later tonight I went out to water everything once my husband got home, just in time for a rain storm. At least I got to slough buckets of water to and from the house, doing a little arm work!
So, the moral if this long winded story is, if you don't think you can do it, just take one step. If an hour seems like too much, just do five minutes. That will probably be enough to get you going, to roll that rock that begins a landslide, and change your gray day to a rainbow of colors. We're all creatures of habit, and if we are used to sitting around in front of the computer or television thats what our subconscious will fight tooth and nail to do. Its not fun to change. Change is uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Until our minds accept the change that is happening, our bodies will never get the chance. My brain was headed for the toilet today until I decided to give my body a chance, and my body did not disappoint. Today was a wonderful, low-stress day and that is saying a lot for me. If that is all I get out of exercising, then I'm happy (for now!).