Hit Bottom? Maybe.

Thursday, May 09, 2013

What a total waste of a day. I hate to think of how many calories I consumed today. I went on a complete and total binge episode. Starting with chocolate covered raisins for breakfast and ending with a pulled pork sandwich with macaroni and cheese for dinner. I also had a package of raspberry thin mints, diet coke, a whole bag of cool ranch munchies, meatballs, barq's root beer, Reese's peanut butter cups, and dark chocolate Hershey kisses. Is that everything? Hmmm......I think so, but I don't know for sure. I have been feeling myself slipping worse and worse each day. Today, it was like old times. I was on auto pilot. I didn't even think about it for most of the day. By the time I did think about it, the damage was done. No point in counting now.

Five months into the year and I have lost 4 pounds. 4 pounds? That's just stupid. I could do that in a week, if I could just make the right decisions. Choose more wisely, move more. It's not that hard. Yet, it Is the hardest thing in the world.

I love food. Not just any food. I like the stuff you aren't supposed to eat. I don't like vegetables. I want the crunchy, sugary, sweet, sticky junk food. AND, I won't stop with one bite, or one serving. I start and I don't stop until it is 100 percent gone. It doesn't matter if I am full, or if it is 3000 calories. I want it all. I don't want to share. Anyone remember that Friends episode...."Joey doesn't share food"? That is me. I am Joey.

The problem is, I don't want to be Joey. I want to be me. I want to live up to my nickname, "little Lenna". The cute little person that I used to be. Not the apple shaped, chubby, short person that I am right now.

At this point, I am logging in to spark people everyday. I'm trying to find my spark. What I really feel like, is just giving up and trying again January 1, 2014.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think we've all been in this place before and you will come out of it with some smart choices as you say. It is difficult, but you know that expression, being fat is difficult too, so pick your difficult.
    Seriously, get a book and write down every single thing you eat BEFORE you eat it. Eating is mostly done in the moment. Writing it down first takes up some of that moment. If you make the transition from junk to healthy foods, you will learn to like them because of what they do for you. And I seriously recommend joining a boot camp or some exercised that is overseen by a trainer. Another cute expression is I TRAIN SO HARD COS I JUST LOVE DESSERT.
    1737 days ago
    January 2014 is a long way away.

    If you're an addict like me, you are probably really hard on yourself. Be good to you and remember you have a family and friends that love you no matter what.

    1737 days ago
    Hang in there! I think we all hit this place on this journey! Each meal is a new meal! You've got this!
    1737 days ago
  • MSKIZ69
    Please do not give up-I know how hard it is to shake off those habits but you CAN and will succeed--it's not all or nothing. Know that you have done a wonderful thing with the pounds lost(but the scale is not the only answer)--keep being strong and we will cheer every step!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1737 days ago
    Hang in there. Don't give up. Tomorrow is a new day. Old habits are hard to break.
    Just remember YOU are worth the effort. emoticon
    1749 days ago
    when you love something you savor it, you enjoy it, you don't waste it. when you eat the way you're describing you're wasting it. you're not paying attention or savoring it. it doesn't sound like you're eating because you love food. it sounds like something else.
    1749 days ago
  • CAMAEL100
    I am with you on the eating until it is really all gone as if that will some how be the end! I find it hard to get out of binge episodes as well once started and they can just happen day after day.

    So you are definitely not alone. I am struggling to regain my spark again. But I firmly believe that giving up is not the answer. The 1st of Jan is only a date, no more important that the 11th May. I am going to make a supreme effort starting tomorrow morning (finished eating for today, not a lot left in kitchen!!!).

    We can't change what happened today or yesterday but we can change what happens from now on.
    1750 days ago
    I did not eat the best today. there was free chocolate at work and i ate quickly and was shoveled even though i knew i was not hungry, AT first i did well with davoring a small piece then i ate too much,
    1750 days ago
    Screeeechhhh .. do you hear those breaks !! emoticon emoticon .. No giving up. .you are 4 pounds lighter. that is 16 sticks of butter gone.. put those out and try them on for size. look up what a pound of fat looks like and be glad they are gone..

    See Motivation is a fickle friend .. what you need to find is your Commitment to you .. Motivation does not stay and when it is gone.. you need your commitment.. When you commit to others do you follow through ? I do because it was like a promise I made to the organization or my child or a family member.. And I follow through.. I take care of mail and the dog when they are out of town.or to help with that project that takes days or weeks for Science... How about your promise to you ... to make healthy choices.. IF you want to quit.. do this instead Start over... Drink your water tomorrow and do 10 minutes of exercise.. just 10 minutes.. but don't quit and start again next year..
    Keep off those 4 pounds and maybe get rid of some more along the way..

    I know this is hard.. I am a Food Addict.. it is my Drug and I get that.. but Damn you're Worth your best effort and I would hate to see you just quit..

    emoticon I will help you any way I can.. Let me know and I mean that..


    1750 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    Come check out the Living Binge Free team, esp, the 21-day streak thread. You don't have to aiming at 21 days to lurk or even post. Food sanity trumps weight loss.
    1750 days ago
    Now...Don't give up!! You can do this...Re focus......redo your goals...and WHY you are on your quest for better health....I have faith in you! Set a small goal for yourself for tomorrow....I am sending you a goodie to help cheer you up and cheer you on! Email me tomorrow if you want to let me know how you are doing..... emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1750 days ago
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