Hit Bottom? Maybe.
Thursday, May 09, 2013
What a total waste of a day. I hate to think of how many calories I consumed today. I went on a complete and total binge episode. Starting with chocolate covered raisins for breakfast and ending with a pulled pork sandwich with macaroni and cheese for dinner. I also had a package of raspberry thin mints, diet coke, a whole bag of cool ranch munchies, meatballs, barq's root beer, Reese's peanut butter cups, and dark chocolate Hershey kisses. Is that everything? Hmmm......I think so, but I don't know for sure. I have been feeling myself slipping worse and worse each day. Today, it was like old times. I was on auto pilot. I didn't even think about it for most of the day. By the time I did think about it, the damage was done. No point in counting now.
Five months into the year and I have lost 4 pounds. 4 pounds? That's just stupid. I could do that in a week, if I could just make the right decisions. Choose more wisely, move more. It's not that hard. Yet, it Is the hardest thing in the world.
I love food. Not just any food. I like the stuff you aren't supposed to eat. I don't like vegetables. I want the crunchy, sugary, sweet, sticky junk food. AND, I won't stop with one bite, or one serving. I start and I don't stop until it is 100 percent gone. It doesn't matter if I am full, or if it is 3000 calories. I want it all. I don't want to share. Anyone remember that Friends episode...."Joey doesn't share food"? That is me. I am Joey.
The problem is, I don't want to be Joey. I want to be me. I want to live up to my nickname, "little Lenna". The cute little person that I used to be. Not the apple shaped, chubby, short person that I am right now.
At this point, I am logging in to spark people everyday. I'm trying to find my spark. What I really feel like, is just giving up and trying again January 1, 2014.