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Truth, darkness and hope...

Thursday, May 09, 2013

I haven't felt "normal" since I was 13 years old. That is when I started my period and it never stopped. After that it went all down hill, I watched my weight creep up even though I was super active in sports and my mom was a damn vegetarian (we ate healthy). I dealt with long painful periods that left me anemic. I battled depression, anxiety, pain, exhaustion, fatigue and infertility all silently too embarrassed to say a word to anyone. When I was finally diagnosed with a firm diagnoses of PCOS in 2007 I was relieved but all my doctor offered me was a simple, "lose weight." Let me tell you something about losing weight with PCOS, it is HARD as heck! Then he placed me on progesterone. The progesterone caused me the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. Most days I could barely drag myself out of bed I was in so much pain. I would spend hours lying on the bottom of the tub with hot water showering over me. My husband had to rub my belly and tell me to breath just so I could sleep a few hours. I was taking so much ibuprofen a day it was crazy. It was horrible. I finally stopped taking it after I couldn't even work anymore and had to quit my job. It still took a month for the pain to go away finally. I never went back to that doctor.

Instead I fell into depression. I cried about never being able to have kids. I watched my other friends fall pregnant. I struggled with self esteem and gaining more weight. I fell into a black hole. About 3 years ago I started college for a career I really love. I battled full blown PCOS symptoms, working 40 hours a week (sometimes more) and a full time school schedule at night. It was the hardest thing I went through. I wanted to give up, especially when I was so anemic my doctor talked about a blood transfusion. When my periods wouldn't stop. When stress was taking over my whole body. When I felt so bone crushing tired I would stand in the shower in the morning crying tears of pure exhaustion thinking, "I can't do this, I am so damn tired."

Something in me changed though. Something in me got stronger and I realized I didn't want to live like this anymore. I graduated in October of last year and made myself a priority. I found a really great doctor who actually listened to me. She ran me through numerous tests, helped me create a quit smoking plan, helped me create a healthy diet and stuck me on 250 mg of Metformin daily. Most of all she stressed how important it was for me to work out on a regular basis and eat healthy.

I have been taking the Metformin since January of this year. I quit smoking 7 days ago. I workout 5 days a week. I eat low processed food and stay away from high fructose corn syrup. I have gone from 330 pounds (last year sometime) to 311 pounds. And the difference is AMAZING!

I feel so much better. I am losing about 1-2 pounds weekly (slow but at least I am losing) and I am losing inches. I have energy again. I am no longer depressed or sitting idle. I have a normal period. I even have PMS symptoms (wow those suck, I am sorry ladies). I no longer feel anxiety ridden or panic attacks. I sleep normal hours. I smile. I laugh. I have hope for a child in the future. Last year I could barely walk without being in pain. Now I am starting a Couch to 5k running program and kicking ass on the elliptical for 35 minutes daily (plus weights). I am able to ride my bike to work with barely any stops. I can play tennis. I can play racquetball. I am active again.

For me, these what you would call little changes are HUGE changes. I feel amazing. I feel good. I even wear shorts and dresses. All because I found a great doctor, I started blogging, I started sharing here on Sparkpeople and I started meeting people struggling with the same things I have. I for once don't feel alone or in the dark. I have found my inner strength and hope again.

I don't ever want to give up on myself again. Because after you get past the achy knee's, the sore ankles, the "I can't do this" days and exhaustion, you come out a whole new person. I am no where near done with my weight loss journey but I am so happy to have made it this far!
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  • KELSER84
    emoticon EVERYONE! I just felt so positive and upbeat yesterday I wanted to share my good vibes. I got a ways to go but celebrating the small changes has made it a little easy to stick to the healthy one's!!

    1776 days ago
    Congrats on fighting for yourself, finding that doctor, and following her good advice, but most of all for taking care of yourself, sounds like it has made a world of difference!
    1776 days ago

    Your progress is inspiring. Keep up the great work.

    1777 days ago
    I agree with the others that your story is very inspirational. I was diagnosed with PCOS by my fertility doctor a few months ago. Thanks for the uplifting story of your successes so far.
    1777 days ago
    I so needed to read this today. You are inspirational! Keep up the great work!
    1777 days ago
  • KELLYB60
    Congratulations on your success so far. 1-2 pounds is exactly how it should be done. I'm so happy you found a doctor who worked with you to find the right solutions. emoticon
    1777 days ago
    You are amazing!! emoticon Thank you for the inspirational story.
    1777 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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