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This is my lonnnngggggggggg story!!! :)


Thursday, May 09, 2013

Be alert!..... this really IS long!!

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her.
All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was! She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

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The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me.
I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate--especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

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For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized. She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it.

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And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things--like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.

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She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

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Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

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I hope she never finds out where YOU live


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLRED12 6/5/2013 10:32AM

  emoticon Very amusing and all too close to home!

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LYN-EDWY 5/30/2013 10:30PM

  I think her twin sister is lurking in my home.....

Thanks for the chuckle.
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PAULA3420 5/30/2013 7:25PM

    emoticon VERY FUNNY!! and well deserved BLOG of the MONTH for our Team emoticon I'm praying Dear God, please don't let her find my house. emoticon

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STEPBYSTEP_ 5/28/2013 12:30AM

    I think I've caught a few glimpses of someone like her in my mirror lately - horror of horrors and yes; she steals and changes clothes and takes my time as well.

Thanks a lot for this blog!

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TUTUNAN 5/11/2013 6:26PM

    Wonderful! Hope she moves soon!

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ILOVETOCRUISE 5/10/2013 8:39AM

    Fun. Loved it. emoticon

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GEMINIMUMMA 5/10/2013 8:01AM

    For one second...I totally thought you meant there really WAS an old lady who moved into your house. Sigh. I'm a little slow sometimes. But you are flipping hilarious!! :)

And I agree with DARLY55, you need to kick her to the curb!!

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IKACEY 5/10/2013 3:54AM

    Well that old hag needs to be shown the door pronto! I agree with Darly55 she needs an exercisim (very clever pun btw) I think she would start looking for another place to live if you stopped buying the "good stuff" and switch to healthy stuff that you want to eat instead. And she might get the hint if you buy the wrinkle cream for her and make her jealous by showing her how to use it. Yes there are many ways to be so loving to that lady that she can't handle it and completely moves on for a nicer lady to take her place.
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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JUDI_CUTIE 5/9/2013 11:34PM

    SO CUTE!!!
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PHEBESS 5/9/2013 10:24PM

    I have one of those ladies too - except she looks like my mom. (Doesn't sing like her though - too bad!)

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DARLY55 5/9/2013 9:10PM

    What a bi%ch! She should be evicted, if you could just get your hands on her! emoticon Maybe an exercisism? emoticon

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ANASARI 5/9/2013 8:50PM

    Love it!

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SUNSHINEGB 5/9/2013 7:44PM

    I hope she doesn't find my house either! emoticon

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BARCLE 5/9/2013 7:21PM

    emoticon

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AUDISP 5/9/2013 5:17PM

    Sometimes I see my mother when I look in the mirror. That can be scary too.


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AUNTB63 5/9/2013 5:05PM

    This is too cute....I think a relative of hers lived here for awhile, but since I found SP she no longer appears in my mirrors...she has moved on, hopefully to inspire others to make some lifestyle changes. emoticon

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