Thursday, May 09, 2013
I'm a little stressed out right now. Well, technically, I vacillate from "OMG, I am MOVING!! YIPPEEEE!!" and "OMG, I am moving!! There is too much to do!!" When I am excited about my move, I am fine. But when I am nervous and agitated, I find myself craving carbs.
I am an Emotional Eater and a carb/sugar addict. When I am sad, I go to Dairy Queen to get an Oreo Cookie Blizzard. When I am lonely, I swing by Mrs. Fields for cookies. When I am tired, I go to Papa Murphy's and pick up a pizza.
I don't know when or why I started to be this way. Was it the way I was raised? The "have ice cream" to make a child feel better? Was it partly my temperament - some people choose outlets like running or boxing and others choose food? I'm not entirely sure.
The fact is, I realize my weakness now. I realize that I have this temptation, this inclination to head straight to the nearest carbs to "feed my pain". But what I have now that I didn't have before is the best thing to combat this temptation: Knowledge.
I know that my "hunger pangs" aren't really about hunger - they are about my emotional state. I know that my cravings aren't just my body needed more of X nutrients - they are about how sad I am.
The knowledge of what is causing this leads to the next important thing I have to combat my Emotional Eating: Power. I have the power to avoid these foods. I have the power to say "no". I have the power to resist my inner urges. I have the power to find a new outlet.
I can't say I've decidedly settled on another outlet for my Emotional Eating. There is this blog, which has been very uplifting to maintain. I enjoy writing about my feelings (though it is scary to "put myself out there" for all to read!) and sharing my ups and downs. I enjoy coming up with words and statements that convey the thoughts that bounce around in my head.
Mostly, I think, I just acknowledge the feelings, instead of focusing on the eating. Instead of letting Emotional Eating taking the realms, I go, "I know you're lonely, Carolyn. It's ok." Instead of binging on ice cream, I go, "I know you're upset about X, Carolyn. It'll be ok."
Allowing myself to FEEL emotions instead of EAT emotions helps - for now. Maybe I'll find that I need a new hobby - maybe watching a movie, reading a book, walking, going to the fitness center. If I find that's what my body needs, then that is great. But the fact is, I'm not going to bury my emotions with food anymore. I'm not going to let cheese, crackers, cookies, and cakes cover the fact that I am sad or lonely or tired or sick or anything else I might be feeling. I am going to give myself permission to FEEL and face that feeling without food.