Thursday, May 09, 2013
This morning before I left for the gym I stood in front of the mirror, flexing my biceps. I've always had biceps, and big shoulders. I've been accused of looking manly over a dozen times since I gained weight and I don't like it. When I was younger and thinner, people used much nicer descriptions - they said I looked like a gymnast, or a gazelle. So this morning, I was looking in the mirror, flexing my biceps, and I sang a few lines of Porgy's from Porgy and Bess. Yes... the baritone. I can still sing baritone. But then I sucked in my belly and looked girlish and fluttered my eyelashes and did my best Bess in soprano. I can still sing soprano, too, despite years of asthma. I do squeak occasionally in contralto, though (go figure). I was never chosen to play the heroine in school musicals in high school or college, despite the fact that I can sing it. Someone else always had a MUCH more feminine body than I did. So I got stuck playing men or old women or crazy, ugly people or hicks and I think it kind of messed with my head.
But I am starting to see my waist again. Not much, but it is nipping in a little. And in my head, I am beginning to see myself as the potential future star of my own operetta, in which I can play any damn part I choose - or even all of them.
Enough day dreams. I have to change and go off to work.