Thursday, May 09, 2013
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who reaches out and offers me support and encouragement on my blogs about my struggles. I really do love this community. I would not be halfway to my goal without the support I get here.
I've always been a writer. I've always kept diaries and had pen pals and written stories and memoirs. Writing is how I process and sort through my thoughts and emotions. Sometimes I debate about blogging whats going on in my head because I'm sure people get tired of my rants or just get the wrong idea based on what I write. It's hard to explain because I am completely honest in these blogs. And the reason why I continue to do it is because at the end of the day it's for me. For me to learn from and have record of. If someone else gets something out of it or has something to share with me, it's an added bonus.
Even though these rants are honest, they don't really give an accurate portrayal of who I am. It's just how I'm feeling in the moment. I'm kind of intense. I do everything with a lot of passion. I am really hard on myself. I get impatient and frustrated often because I've wanted this so badly for so long. These blogs are just me working through those emotions. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm a miserable person or like I hate myself because I'm not and I don't. I guess it's really hard to understand if you don't know me personally.
I'm going to keep blogging and being totally open in them because I don't know how else to be. And I'll probably keep seeming like a nut job. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am a nut job. But it's not as bad as it probably seems. I have a great life that I love. I have a lot of fun. I have people who love me in spite of the crazy. I don't sit at home smacking my head against the wall because I can't seem to stay on track for longer than 12 days (my new record!). If you knew the background I came from, you'd know what a miracle it is that I'm a normal (using term lightly), functional adult.
I get frustrated, I post a venty rant, and then I move on. Till the next time. I really appreciate everyone who comes along for the ride. Thanks for being there for me. I hope you know I'm here for all of you.