...otherwise, what am I doing here?
Thursday, May 09, 2013
I am being impatient this week. I knew I would be with my goal of 5% so close. Not just close, but here! Sunday I was 1.2 pounds away. But Monday and Tuesday saw me beating it. Today I was back up to 0.2 pounds away. I have been obsessing with the scale each morning and I have decided that I am driving myself crazy this week. Stupid goals! I am going to stop doing that RIGHT NOW. It doesn't make next Sunday come any faster and I already know that I'm going to meet my goal eventually anyways.
What I've been struggling with this week is patience, but above and beyond being so close to my first 5% goal and ready to start on my 10% (second 5%) goal. This week saw a drastic change in my diet. 11 weeks in and the shift suddenly occurred.
I went from feeling peckish and snacky because I had cut out food, to not snacky at all. It took 11 weeks of Weight Watchers (including a lowering allotted points values per day to accompany my success) to finally be better with food. I've adjusted to appropriate portion sizes. My energy is better, although a lot of that has to do with actually getting sleep the last three days (which could also be why this change occurred).
I have went from struggling to stay in my point range to, overnight it seems, struggling to meet it. I get to the end of the day and realize that I have a lot of points left over. I think that this has to be a fluke, but it isn't.
It turns out that most of my points occurred because of snacky between mealtimes, mostly around 2 in the afternoon. I still snack at two, but I think of it as a "little meal" instead of that time of day I want to eat uncontrollably. I think this has REALLY helped. I was going to want food then, anyways, so instead of trying to stop eating then, I made it a habit to eat and do it all at once. Cheese sticks, carrots, non-fat ranch, or an occasional apple fills that time. Then I am good until dinner. It is amazing what a mind-set change can do.
But all of this progress has led to an argument in my brain that goes something like this (taken directly from my personal journal):
Part of me is saying, "This is great! You will lose weight faster!" But the other part is whispering, "Hold on. Slow down. BE PATIENT." The second voice is right, of course. But I want so badly to hit my 5% goal. I want so badly to move past it.
The first voice screams, "Just this week! Reach your goal! You can be reasonable next week." This is the voice I want to listen to. My fear, though, is next week. Next week she will say, "It's okay. Keep going. You know at some point you will stagnate and it will even out."
The second voice, the voice of reason, shakes it's metaphorical head. "If you go to fast you will fail. You are learning to be healthy, not just dropping pounds. Focus on sustainability and be patient. These things take time."
I want to listen to that voice next week.
But I will be good. I will eat more points and do it during the daytime. I will be healthy. Otherwise, what am I doing here?