Gains and Losses
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Last night was one of the most stressful nights I've had in a while because I was trying to finish up the last of my homework for the semester and when I was taking my last two exams, the school's website went down and I lost both tests right in the middle of them so I had to email my instructor to ask her if she'd reopen them for me so I can complete them otherwise I'm going to fail both of those exams. That led me to a loss: I bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked them. The stress was just more than I could handle. I exercised yesterday, I ate the right amount of calories, and I got the proper amount of sleep, but I gave in and smoked. School's the only thing that can make me cave like that. I just get this overwhelming terror about my marks and I've had a lot of problems in school because of my bipolar disorder and ended up having to drop classes this semester because I got a severe flu for 3 weeks and got behind so I felt like this semester was a bit of a waste. But, I'm determined to keep with it and do the best I can and next semester even if I'm on death's door not miss any assignments. Also, I'm not doing any dating next semester. I'm just staying home and studying. My degree is more important than men that turn out to be insipid and dreary anyway.
Another loss (but this is the good kind): I am down another pound to 140. I was pretty excited about that, but it was hard earned with eating right and lots of exercise.
Speaking of exercise, that's where the gains come in: today I joined the 28-day fitness bootcamp challenge and did the first 10 minute cardio video which I don't think would've been as challenging if my calves weren't already so sore from all the exercise I've been doing lately, but it was a great 10 minutes and I really enjoyed it! I did it super early in the morning and it got me motivated to head right out the door afterwards for my morning walk, which I added 15 minutes to for a total of a 75-minute walk (2.5 miles). About a half an hour in my calves started getting sore but I just kept walking, listening to Franz Ferdinand and that motivated me, and after a few minutes the pain in my calves just melted away and the rest of the walk was easy. So that felt like a pretty big triumph. Ordinarily I break my walk up into two 30-minute walks, but today I walked the 2.5 miles in one shot so I'm proud of myself! And I even burned off my breakfast and then some.
For the rest of the day I have some Power Yoga planned, as well as 20 minutes of ab work. But, for now I'm going to enjoy a cup of coffee and some meditation and then get take on that yoga mat.