Thursday, May 09, 2013
I have tiny hands.
They're pretty fast at typing, nimble. But when I use them as a cup at the faucet to scoop water to splash my washed face, it takes awhile. Applying lotion, gardening, grasping and carrying things: all of these tasks are probably do much easier for someone with larger hands.
Yet, I don't begrudge nature for growing me. I don't curse God or hate my hands. They are part of me. I just adapt. I buy drinking glasses that are tall and skinny instead of short and wide, so they don't slip out of my hands as easily.
My feet are small, too. I walk pretty carefully, I suppose. I take purposeful, delicate steps, having never had the luxury of boatloads of balance. More than once people have commented on my step, even complimented me for having grace despite my large size. It almost doesn't register- I am just me.
So why do we criticize the things that also make us who we are? What makes something suddenly so undesirable? I know that I am hardest on myself when I feel like my results don't match my intentions. I get disappointed in myself for having beautiful ideas for great adventures and sharing them but then failing to follow through or take enough initiative....um, or not get preoccupied with surviving in life too much and forget.
But in that example, cursing my enthusiasm is misguided at best. Avoiding telling someone of a fantastic plan just completely blocks it from every happening in the first place! And lamenting about how I don't take initiative gets nothing done, but merely wastes more time. I'll just have to learn to observe, adjust, and move forward. Every next time is a new opportu ity to adapt more positively.
And meanwhile, I will continue to appreciate these hands for what they can create, how quickly they perform, and all of the other things I value. I will take care of them, stretch them gently so they stop cramping up at work, and prevent them from turning each into a frozen claw grip. Maybe I'll even add some cuticle oil to my overly dry fingertips. Ahh, the luxury of self care! I deserve it.