Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Well, sort of. I have been on Spark since December 2009 (I think). In almost 3 1/2 years I have lost a grand total of 5 pounds and have gained 3; leaving a grand total of minus 2 pounds in over 3 years. Not a very good statistic.
I have been up with the program and down with the program. I have worked hard and I have been a slacker. I have been happy and I have been frustrated.
So, here's where I'm at right now. I give up. I give up worrying about my weight and the scale and the measurements. Could I do more? Sure. Do I want to? Evidently not or I would have lost more weight. The truth is I don't want to eat Paleo, vegan, raw, etc. I want to eat what most people eat---just not so much. I don't want to join a gym or sweat like a dog with heart palpitations working out so hard. I just want to keep moving and keep my body healthy.
I find myself thinking that in X number of weeks/months/hours/whatever I will be a smaller size, more fit, less jiggle, more muscle. It has not happened in over 3 years; there is no reason to believe that being 3 years older any of this is going to happen. My body seems to be happy here; comfortable.
I don't look that bad--wish my belly was smaller and I wasn't so jiggly but I feel good. And, when I keep walking, eat healthy with good portion control I feel great.
I have posted a very similar blog to this before (at least once). I have got to focus on ME and stop thinking about eating, food, weight. I need to start learning to love my aging body and enjoy my life, my family, my friends. I'm TIRED of weighing myself only to be disappointed.
I will continue to eat healthy and track my food. I will continue to walk and do ST and track those minutes. It is time for me to quit worrying and focusing on weight loss that isn't happening and focus on me being healthy.