Wednesday, May 08, 2013
Hi. Thank you all for the comfort, support and prayer you all have shown me over these difficult months! I especially want to thank a dear Spark friend, Missy, aka TEDDYBEAR662, for her prayers. In my last blog I was pondering if I made the right decision placing my dad where he is for rehab after his stroke and wondering how I will know when it is Jack's time.... When I will be forced to take him in and have his precious life put to rest.
Well, I went to visit Dad yesterday and he was in Occupational therapy and ready to start Physical therapy. We chatted as they had him putting screws int o washers or something for OT. He told the OT that he was grateful for all they do and then he started crying. His emotions have been on edge ever since the stroke, so he cries alot. He probably needs to cry. the man has had a tough life. anyhow, I knew at that moment that he was in the right facility. He is happy there and that is what really matters over all. He then said how determined he is to walk. they had him up on the parallel bars and he even took a few steps. I didn't want to invade his workout, so I left. But, he said that he was very happy and very proud of the progress he has made. As I said before, the church is near so people can come by and see him after church. We are Catholic, so he has visitors on Saturdays and Sundays. Also, the facility is near many of his friends, so a few can walk over to see him and they do. I could've run up to NH and kissed Missy! She had started praying that God help me find the answers I needed. I did on that count.
Jack had a horrible day yesterday as we had many thunderstorms. He's always been a bit frightened of thunderstorms, but yesterday he was a mess. I could not calm him! I really believe the anxiety is a product of the brain tumor. I'd almost bet that the brain tumor was just starting to form when he started this ultra storm anxiety a couple years ago. Today so far has only been rain, so that is good I guess. I often think he is giving me signs it is time, but he isn't giving those same signs to Anthony! He peps up and walks a bit straight when Anthony comes home. I'm sure he is showing me "the worst" because I am the mommy here and I am supposed to comfort and nurture. I do, but I also cry alot. I do trust that Jack will let us both know, but right now he is sleeping at my feet. I can't stand the thought of putting him down. But, I know that day is coming and it will be for his, not my, best and isn't that what mommies are for?
The med increase seems to be helping. I'm not always teary, but do cry right often.
I'll get thru it all. somehow I always do. My head hurts and I have to watch some DVDs for my licensure renewal, so I'm outta here for now! Thank you all again and again! I truly couldn't do this without all of you!