Wednesday, May 08, 2013
There are many things in my life that have motivated me to do things, not all of which I wanted to do. We have all been in that position at one time or another, and we all have our own ways of coping with these situations.
For me, motivation is a tricky thing. It can be my best friend, or my worst enemy. For most of my life, the preponderance of my motivation has been spearheaded by others and negative in nature. This has, for the most part, led to negative outcomes for me physically, medically, and emotionally. I have learned over my 55 years on the planet to deal with most of these things and have (fortunately) come out on the other side still upright and breathing.
After my husband passed away (some 4 1/2 years ago), I pretty much lost motivation for anything that had to do with my well-being and I allowed my entire drive to be for that of the needs of my students.
I have reached a stage of my life where I am finding now that (as I walk this SparkPeople journey) my motivation is transforming into a dual focus; my well-being and that of my students - in that order. That is a first for me. I have never been a priority on my own list. In some ways, it feels very selfish and odd (that would be my old mind interjecting its opinion), but in most ways, it actually feels healthy. I am actually enjoying going to the gym, getting regular, vigorous exercise, and feeding my body what it truly needs to be the best it can be.
I also find that, through all this, I actually have a rooting section (which includes some amazing people I never dreamed I would have in my world). I have never before had a core group of people supporting me in my efforts. All of my previous accomplishments, etc., were of my own doing and usually despite the actions of others. While it feels a bit foreign, it also feels very exhilarating. It makes me want to push further, work harder, and become better in all aspects of my life.
For that, I am eternally grateful and inordinately thankful. I wish I could thank each one of you personally!