I've been dieting for years now - and mainly they have been healthy. None of that fad dieting stuff where you drink maple syrup and all that. I've always done it the healthy way, the slow way, and that's why it hurts to much when you gain it back.
I joined Sparkpeople in September 2012 to put an end to all of this. I reckoned if I knew the amount of calories I was eating and knew what amounts I should be consuming it would put things into perspective.
And it did.
Officially I began with 73kgs with 13kg to lose - I lost around 3 of these myself with my healthy low carb way of eating... And I lost another 5kg using the sparkpeople website.
Now the problem right now is...I've been yo yoing since the beginning of this year like mad. I went down 1 kg, gained 2 back, went down 2 kg, gained 1kg back so I'm literally exactly where I was at the beginning of this year.
I'm not consistent. Birthdays, holidays and trips are becoming an excuse to overeat and load up on sweets and stuff - even though I indulge in most things every day and don't restrict myself.
It's a mentality that's developed with the freedom of calorie counting. Before it used to be... eat when you're hungry, stop when full and that's that. Incredibly, even with my sweet tooth I was able to quite the cakes and junk thinking in this way.
I actually started eating more and more of the sweet stuff and junk since starting sparkpeople as I knew that the calorie counts at the end of the day...
But gradually it's messed me up - so I have to go back to the way I was doing it before - eating slowly, eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I think I'm nearly full. And I know I don't need much food to know I'm satisfied and done.
But if i'm eating emotionally I also know I have a huge capacity to eat without feeling uncomfortable or too full which is bad!
I wish I could control this, but it's more emotional eating than anything - even eating out of boredom.
Two weeks ago I was eating full on breakfast, full and hearty lunches, filled out to the max with veggies and fish etc and eating big dinners, - even though they were all in the calorie range plus with a good deficit at the end of the day - but despite eating to the brim I felt "empty", "unsatisfied" and craving something sweet for afters - which is weird considering right now, since becoming more intuitive in eating, I eat a single toast or maximum 2 toasts with tea and it keeps me full until lunchtime - and lunch is light and small, and I'm still satisfied well until way past 4pm which is usually the time I used to get the munchies despite eating tons of food before...which I don't quite understand...
eating more food = wanting more food
eating less food = wanting less food
Doesn't make sense, but it's true.
I guess it's because the less food I am eating now is food I REALLY want, even though it's less in quantity, whereas before the food in bigger quantities, although very healthy, was not what i fancied, plus I was just eating for the sake of eating, and not actually hungry - so in effect I was just going through the motions - if you're not getting any hunger signals, how will you know when to stop if you dont' get fullness signals?
Tea is helping a lot, it really calms me down - no matter what's happened and also supresses my appetite like nothing else. Water in itself is very filling and also provides a delay response because 1. drinking water after meals slows down the digestive acid so it makes it take longer to digest in effect making you feel fuller longer - 2. when you're still hungry it fills the gap as well as it takes time for the food to reach and signal to your brain that you are full.
Another thing to note...anything eaten that's not "allowed" or outside the calorie limit, tastes blah and also makes me feel guilty afterwards which makes it a bad experience - whereas good things, or even naughty things inside the allowance taste wonderful and I can fully enjoy them. That's why when there are leftovers and I am tempted to eat them, I tell myself to chuck them out or make myself a proper meal of the same thing so I know how many calories there are in the meal rather than guessing.
I'm exercising currently and making sure I do 1 hour bouts of stationary bike cycling - it is bloating me up and retaining water, but it will go as soon as my body gets used to it. It's showing 2kg more on the scale because of it, which is as expected.
I have to reach 60kg, no matter what. I will try to motivate myself as best as I can. I must not let my guard down.
It's funny...I enjoy all heatlhy foods, I can eat little and moderately, and I can limit my sweet things - but still sometimes I go into this weird trance where I just eat as if possessed without even being particularly hungry...why do I do that???
Cravings? Urges? I wish I get over them as they are undoing a lot of my hard work.