Tuesday, May 07, 2013
My second official weekly weigh-in day without my scale passed last Sunday. I wish I could say that it's gotten easier, but that generally hasn't been the case. At the risk of sounding cliche, if I had a dollar for every time I walked into the bathroom with the intent of weighing myself only to be rudely reminded that I no longer own a scale, I could buy myself a really nice outfit in a (smaller) size that fits well.
Last Friday my personal trainer noted that I seemed to have far less energy than usual and asked if I felt okay. I explained that I'd been just plain worn out and that workouts seemed relatively easy previously were becoming increasingly difficult and that I wondered if I was facing a possible Multiple Sclerosis exacerbation. After discussing my workouts outside of the physical therapy gym and my calorie intake, my personal trainer and I reached the conclusion that I was mostly likely overtraining and undereating. Never before in my life have I been accused of either of those things and part of me was satisfied to hear that I was apparently capable of both. My personal trainer thinks that the 1200-1550 calorie range suggested by Spark People is not nearly enough for the amount and type of exercise that I do, so he is having my increase my calorie intake to 1800-2000/day. While he told me that I can still workout outside of the physical therapy gym, I need to decrease the intensity. Stop! Wait! You really want me to decrease my exercise and increase my calorie intake?!? What? That has not helped diminish my scale vacation anxiety one iota.
Though not having stepped on a scale for 10 days is giving me heartburn, I am at that point where others are starting to notice the changes in my body. Two gals who also work out at the physical therapy gym made complimented yesterday. One asked if I'd lost a lot of weight and told me that I was becoming the "Incredible Shrinking Woman." The other one told me that she was amazed at how different my body looked from when she started at the gym just two months ago. My body image is still so distorted that despite the smaller clothes and more toned muscles, I still have a difficult time looking past all of the flaws I still see, so hearing those nice comments buoyed my spirits tremendously. They even made me forget about that pesky unknown number on the scale. For about 30 seconds.
Until June 1st, I am forcing myself to focus on all of my non-scale victories. Though I know they are numerous, not knowing that number is causing me anxiety. Maybe by June 1st I'll be so comfortable with myself and my non-scale victories that I'll decide to hold off on buying a new scale indefinitely. Yeah, probably not, but a girl can hope.