Tuesday, May 07, 2013
So here I am again, starting over with paying very close attention to my weight and eating habits. I was good for a while, and even got 4lbs away from my goal weight. I'm not sure what happened in February. I got depressed, I got stressed... I'm not sure. but between my son's birthday midway through Feb, and today I gained 18lbs. Not. Cool.
I've noticed my thighs getting bigger, and my size 6 curvys don't fit anymore. I worked HARD to get there, and it honestly saddens me that they don't.
Today I finally got the juice to get up off my butt, and instead of sitting around my apartment doing nothing, I slipped my shoes on and walked 3.2 miles down to the community park and back. I was SO proud of myself for doing it, and i felt GREAT afterward. A part of me yet tonight wants to put a Jillian dvd in and let her punish my butt for gaining all that weight back.
I have only a little bit of junk in the house, a little bit of ice cream, some chips and dip... I feel that if I don't sit here with the entire pint, and just have like a cup or a lil handful of chips that I can eat whatever I want :D
I'm goin through some serious bullcrap with this divorce, I've been away from my soon to be ex husband for 17 months now, and it's still not over yet. he keeps stalling the proceedings, and has brought a guardian ad litem onto the case, who seems to be working for HIM because he's paying for him. that stress isn't helping matters at all.
My boyfriend is a good shoulder and ear, and God do i owe him a LOT. I met him after I left the butthole worked with him, didn't think I would ever fall for him, we were simply friends with benefits, but as the months went on, I found my heart opening to him. He is excellent with my kids, and went from a man who was so set in his ways, to changing ever so slightly to accept me and them into his life. He's motivated me, and supported me so much, called me beautiful even at 180lbs. and every time we got a chance to get together as friends with benefits he was impressed more and more and found me more and more sexy. I know he still sees me that way, but I'm losing confidence in it.
Which is why i'm back here. taking control of myself again, and making myself remember what I was so I do'nt get there again.