Tuesday, May 07, 2013
So one of my kick start options was to keep a daily journal so ill try to do it here. Life is a little stressful right now, I'm in the process of changing jobs which should be great but I worry about whether I'm capable of/will enjoy the new job and feel guilty about the mess ill leave behind when I leave this job. Then there's my personal life or lack there of, there's someone I like but it's got no future and when I leave the job that will probably end shortly after. Then there's the terrifying fact I'm about to turn 30 which I know is no big deal but I guess in my naive youthful head, even when I finished university, I thought by 30 I'd have a career (almost there), a husband (fail) maybe even kids (fail) and a place of my own (fail) not to mention gorgeous, skinny and confident. Wow, university really did give me unrealistic life expectations.
So now I'm a bit more pragmatic about things, I'm in the process of building a career I really enjoy and am good at. It may not be my own house but at least I'm living on my own proving to myself that one day I will be ready to buy. Marriage and kids? Who knows, but not until I stop staying at home with family sized cakes and chocolate bars. Not that I'm huge, a stone over target, but its enough to make me self conscious, to make the idea of dating impossible but watch this space. Today I admit where I am, that I hate looking in a mirror, that I wear makeup more as war paint than to ascent any good features, that I try on half a dozen outfits each morning trying to find one where I don't look frumpy and fat. But I write this not to wallow but to be able to reflect back on in weeks and months time and see how far I've come :)