Tuesday, May 07, 2013
A dear SparkFriend of mine recently posted a blog about a lack of drive. It really got me thinking.
I only have 10 pounds to go. 10 pounds. Even 5 pounds would be great. Why can't I even buckle down for ONE WEEK?? How is it that I managed to lose 25lbs in roughly 9 months, then not be able to lose any more? Okay, weight aside because I know I'm building muscle and am now more toned. Why can I not just buckle down enough to see some of the excess fat go away?
The only thing I can come up with is this:
When I weighed more I NEEDED to lose the weight because of the hatred I felt for myself. I hated getting dressed in the morning - I hated shopping - I hated it. I was motivated to get into the smaller jeans, to have a flat enough stomach to feel good in T-shirts. I knew that feeling the way I do now would be way better than the feeling that brownie would give me.
Today? Today I feel great in my own skin. I feel thin, fit, sexy. I look good in my clothes. Of course we all want better, so that's what I want. Better. But these days that feeling of being comfortable in my own skin is not something I DESIRE. It is something I FEEL almost every day. That brownie doesn't come at such a cost anymore. I am okay with how I look and feel right now, so the drive isn't there.
I workout. I make better food choices. I turn down the Olive Garden lunches and the extra slice of cheesecake. Now I find myself splurging on mashed potatoes rather than a whole sleeve of Oreo's (not to say that hasn't happened though). Salmon and pasta with a shared dessert is a splurge - it used to be that 4 slices of pizza and 6 chocolate chip cookies made me feel only a twinge of guilt. Man, now I'd be beating myself up for days if I ate that! My splurges are typically less indulgant than they used to be. My "bad" days are simply days where I am going to maintain, not lose, not gain.
So what is it going to take for me to get my drive back?? I don't know. I need a non weight related goal. Something that can be measured. Not x amount of fitness minutes, not x number of workout days in a row. Something that means more. Something that I feel passionate about. So... I am going to go put some thought into that.
What keeps you going? Have you reached your goal? How do you keep pushing for more? Are you just a few pounds away from your goal? What is it going to take to get you there?