Tuesday, May 07, 2013
So I am making progress within myself and I just want to make sure we all know that right now, however I had a few moments of lapse last night. So I have been working out and doing very well and sticking happily to my schedule and seeing small changes in myself which again I am very happy with myself. My husband and I went out shopping so that I could get a pair of jeans that were one size smaller because the ones that I am currently wearing are loose and I am always hiking them up; again not complaining. I have not lost anymore weight but I feel a difference in my inches.
I go to the racks and chose a few pairs of pants to try on, I am at this point very excited to be doing this and can't wait to look at myself. I have a change room and take off the clothes I had one, which I didn't even have to undo the jeans I could just slide them off.
Well I can bring them up over the hips, I have to suck in a little more than I would have liked to and then I turned around and saw myself in the mirror.....well to say that I had more than muffin top was putting it nicely and I lost my bubble for a few minutes. I sat down and looked at myself and was so discouraged for a few minutes, I had a lot of negative thoughts right down tot the point that I considered DQ because what was the point...I had done all this hard work and I am down 20lbs and in that reflection in that moment I was mad and I was ready to cry........Then I stopped realizing I was sinking myself. I have put into myself a large amount of sweat and dedication not to mention the devotion and even when I was really sick I watched what I ate and I went back to the boot camp when I was feeling better, I was scared because I thought it was going to be all over again-but I did it, not anyone else. I did it, I put my stuff on and I walked through that door and I did the workout.
Now I was sitting there looking at myself again and now I was giving myself this pep talk and letting myself that yes they don't fit the way that I want but I didn't have to lay down to put them on, and that although I wasn't remotely happy with the way they fit they did....without what I am doing and still doing with my body they do and when I do decide to go back and buy them, they will fit very nicely and I should be very proud because I am not here to give up or throw in the towel, I am here for not anyone else but myself and I am wanting this for myself. The reflection at myself was ready to cry again as I am now writing this to share as my blog but I took such a big step for myself at that moment for those of you that have done that after how ever many years of defeating oneself to keep doing positive self talk in your head and to look at yourself while you are delivering it to yourself I find to be so overwhelming but so empowering at the same time.
for the first time in a long long time I got into my head and I did it right, and I am proud of myself for this action and for recognizing how far I have come and I do look forward to the next size down.....when I am ready and I will rock those jeans and keep on rocking it down to the next size after that but one at a time and a day at a time.
~thanks for reading with me