Tuesday, May 07, 2013
I've been holding off on announcing this - but I think I am ready for some Spark support as I navigate the next 7 months.
We're expecting a little Jean-and-Ben-baby in early December. I'm coming up on 9 weeks and finding myself excited -nervous-excited-and more nervous as I contemplate the big change. Contrary to all my expectations, the first ultra sound two weeks ago showed a promising, healthy heart-beat and a teeny-tiny little baby bean.
(Seriously - weirdest thing I have ever experienced is seeing that flickering light and hearing the whoosha whoosha heart beat. I had all but convinced myself that it was too good to be true and that the scan was going to be lifeless and we would have to start all over.)
Part of me feels really guilty. I have friends who have struggled unsuccessfully for years to conceive. I don't even know how to tell them because I so want them to have the desire of their hearts. I wish that somehow postponing this baby would help them to have theirs. It's as if our success is somehow a slap in the face to them. (Of course, they are wonderful people and I know they won't begrudge us our happy fortune, but I wish I could make it easier on them.)
The first trimester funk has not escaped me. I have been SO TIRED. I never understood the whole 'budgeting your energy' concept until now. The last time I went for a real walk was the 5K a month ago. The house is a mess. (Thank God for Sarah who came over on Sunday and helped me clean the downstairs.) Most evenings it's all I can do to stay awake to eat dinner before crashing. My sister Kate says to 'stockpile' the sleep while I can - and to hold out for the 2nd trimester when I will have more energy. (Oh....and the SMELLS. Ben says that pregnancy has given me a strange mutant power of olfaction.)
More than anything else, it all feels surreal. Maybe it will seem real once the baby starts kicking around.