Tuesday, May 07, 2013
I blame much of my weight gain on some emotional baggage I've been carrying around as well as a past stressful job, but this last year it was mostly the emotional baggage.
A good decade ago, I had my reputation slandered in my social circle at the time because I knew something about someone important in that group they were embarrassed by and I was scapegoated by that individual and the group who didn't want to be aware of the issue that was right under their noses. A misunderstanding caused that person to fear I would tell so that person slandered me first. There was nothing I could do at the time but take the fall.
This situation was a real burden for me and caused me not to defend my reputation for a long time. Recently I decided to talk about it and defend my character and in doing so, a burden was lifted which probably explains much of my current weight loss success. The emotional baggage for me with this was HUGE and I don't feel like I'm carrying it anymore.
In the last day I decided to spell out what happened to someone significant in the group about what really happened in an email. My doing this was a sign that I had moved on and no longer felt responsible for the repercussions for other people of telling the truth but I did leave an opening for updating my story with signs of enlightenment on that person's side if they too had progressed from their previous defensive position.
Ironically, the response I received was that the recipient was disappointed that I hadn't moved on. This was someone who enabled the person with the secret to defame me because she was uncomfortable with the nature of the secret.
A good friend of mine pointed out the obvious, I was able to write that email after all this time because I have moved on, while she is still stuck not wishing to address the elephant in the room. Due to the wonders of the Internet, I can see that the same dynamics that happened with me and the group and the individual involved are still happening, just with other players. I'm just happy that it's not my s*** and it's not my backyard, I left the group long ago.
Some people can't change and it's not up to me to carry the emotional burden for them. If they are uncomfortable with the truth it's not my problem. I'm going to call her response projection, accusing me of not being able to move on, because she can't herself. Sometimes it just feels good to get things off your chest and make an assertion regardless of how well it is received. Being falsely accused of something and never defending yourself is really damaging, I know from experience.