Monday, May 06, 2013
Well that hurt, but it wasnít as bad as it could have been... Stepping on the scale this morning, I just said to myself ďscrew it, whatever it is, is just the beginning of starting over.Ē So I got on. 193. It was up. Honestly it has been up for awhile, I just kept denying that my tracker set at 184 wasnít that off. OR I was just going to not update it again until I got below 184 where it has been set for awhile.
Then I remembered, this is not the point of Spark. Sometimes I feel a bit of pressure since Iím a motivator and since I have lost a bunch of weight. Dropping from 270/280 to 180 was great. Then... I hung out at 184 for half a year... Then I had my arm reduction surgery... swelled up a bit. Maintained around 184... then the second revision surgery went bad. Then I got busy/lazy/stressed. Crazy thesis drama ensued. Sold my house. Came up with a lot of excuses to not work out or care what I put in my mouth... So Iím up to 193.
Iím up 10# for not watching myself or working out. Not as bad as it could be. But also not far from where I was. Its just 10#. My stomach is bigger, my arms that I just paid $6k to fix are bigger (now that is enough to irk me!) and my jeans are very vocal about my increased waist. I still donít look bad though. I feel a little uncomfortable in my some clothes, but Iím still cute. But Iím going for hot. Iím going for beat the men off with a stick hot. I will get there.
Iím finishing up my thesis edits now. Turning it in Friday. Then the serious crazy stressful job hunt begins. Also. Mission HPOA. Fill in the blanks on the acronym ;-)
On the boy front I was just at another wedding with him. He knows a ton of people getting hitched. He seriously needs to stop taking me to weddings when Iím hormonal. It was supposed to be that time of the month... still waiting. So I was either PMSing or pregnant = horrible time to go to a wedding. Honestly its like 99% PMS. Weddings + hormonal girl friend = googly eyes and crying.
Weíre doing really good. He keeps helping me move stuff around. I almost have all of my furniture in my bedroom at my parents house. Its still a mess. Havenít been able to spend any time there to reorganize the stuff. Ugh... and of course Iíve gotten guilt trips from my mom about that.
Fridayís my birthday too. Is it weird that Iíve been so busy I donít have a wish list or want to do anything? I wouldnít mind crawling into pajamas with my dogs watching Netflix with TJ but thatís about it. Moving stuff around makes me feel a lot less materialistic. I donít want any more stuff to move, lol.
Okay, now onto the plan. Iím staying with my friend Mette this week. Sheís getting married in two weeks so eating healthy is on the game plan. I brought salad and fruit and center cut bacon and eggs for breakfast. I spent a ton of money on food last week, and I added up the calories... reality check time! I canít afford $100 and 2000 calories of food! Iíll be fat and broke!
So planning ahead = salads, eggs/bacon, fruit, healthy food = staying under my calorie goal = losing weight!
I can do this. You can do this. We will do this!