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    H9LIPPY   28,449
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Drama Filled Weekend

Monday, May 06, 2013

Survived another weekend, I know seems a bit weird to "survive" a weekend because are weekends not supposed to be relaxing???? Well this past one was not for my small part of the world.

the start could be traced back to Friday night at football practice. See our first two games had been canceled due to the lovely weather we were having. So when the season did start some of the times of the games were changed. It was announced at practice that the game would be at 11:30. Some of the parents still had the old schedule and were not aware that the upcoming Saturday game would be at 11:30 not 10:00. Well this posed a problem for one said family and their player. A play date had been scheduled for 1pm on Saturday, but with some talking it was figured out that the game would be done by 12:45 which would leave plenty of time to get home and make it for the play date or be a few minutes late. Well the player wasn't really having any of this. So the player left with a scowl on their face and arms crossed over their chest in a huff. Following behind them was their mother and siblings. Figured once he got home, ate, had a good nightsleep this little bump in the road would resolve itself.

Game day comes; this player had a bad attitude right from the start. At one point I asked him if he need a Sneakers bar because he was acting like a Diva. His response was "I don't like nuts in my candy bars." I came back with "Fine I'll get you a Milky Way bar, but you need to drop the attitude." As the game went on the attitude didn't improve. The bossing around continued and the soreness of losing the game was coming out of every pour of his body. Every little thing anyone did he was pointing out, and if he did something wrong it was someone else failt. By this point even some of the players were like hey it's just a game chill out.

The last few minutes of the game come along and one of the players comes off the field and sits down in front of me. As soon as he hits the ground his mom is right there. First thing out of her month is "I want to know what he said to you." Player responds, to which I could not hear. Mother comes back with "I don't care who his dad is, he has no right to talk to you that way." A few more words were exchanged and I went from thinking it was the other coach she was talking about to it was the other player she was talking about. Mind you the coach out on the field is the father of the emotional player that these two were having their disussion about. So I let this ride out for the rest of the game, not say anything to anyone till after the game. Made a mistake maybe not, but it's in the past and I can't change what I did or didn't do. Hine sight being 20/20 I really don't think at that point there was anything I could have said to her that would have claimed the situation, it may have just made her more mad and stormed off right than and there with her son.

For about 15 minutes after the game we sat talking to the referee just the other coach, the "troubled" player, that "troubled" players mom, and myself. The referee commented on how the player took charge of the field when he was playing quarter back and what a good job he did at that. Now don't get me wrong, yes when you are quarter back you need to take charge of the field and make sure your players are where they need to be, but he was doing it no matter what position he was in. During this time the players dad is pointing out to the player to pay respect to the referee by looking him in the eye when he was talking to him and to say thank you.

Now we move on to leaving and walking to the parking lot. As we are heading that direction it comes out that his play date got grounded. Lights go on, that's where the attitude is coming from. It started on Friday night when he thought it was going to have to be cancelled because of the time of the game, which it ended up getting cancelled because of the misbehaving's of the other person. Then that starts a whole "They always get grounded when we make plans and we never get to play." Hmmmm buddy what does that tell you. Maybe you should find different friends, or you seem to bring out the best in people that when they know they are going to be around you they start to acting out.

So now we know the root issue of the lash outs he was having during the game and he was taking it out on the other players. At the age of 5th grade it's a bit hard to keep emotions intact and leave some off the field. With this player we have been dealing with this for a while and through a few different sports.

The player loads up in his mom's car and as his dad goes to his car I say something to him about what I heard on the side line and the drama he is about to face in the next couple days. The dad stops the mom and tells the player to get out of the car and go by me to chat. This starts the "I didn't do anything wrong, why do I have to talk to her." He gets out of the car and his mom pulls the car around to the other side so we can have a one on one chat about his attitude and the issues that it's causing. Feelings came out about a lot of things which I promised to help him work on with his dad but he had to promise that when those feelings started up again he had to let me know, as so it wouldn't get to this point.

After that is all done and said we head home and the other coach decides to give everyone a chance to contact him on any issues that they may have seen out on the field that he needs to address. Not call anyone out, but trying to head off the drama before it would start. He also called one of the other parents, who son hangs out with the two having the spat. She informs him that she didn't see or hear anything on the side line about those two players.

In a separate email he emails the family that seemed to have the biggest concern on what happened on the field. Just asking if they could please give him a call to talk about this, their responds was No we will not call you. To sum it up it was we didn't like the way this game went and how the player acted, we don't want to be adults about this to try and come up with a solution to resolve this so all could move on and continue to play. That this was turning into too much of a commitment, that they didn't want to do a practice outside of the game, they had 3 kids all in sports and they just don't have the time with all that and their full times job. Really???? Really???? I have a full time job, I go to school part time, I coach a soccer team which has two practices a week, and I help out coaching this football team. DON'T talk to me about being too busy, plus there was an offer out on the table that either coach would be more than happy to pick up, drop off, or both any player that need transportation. Plus this player usually got a ride from one of the other players he was close friends with.(the one that the other coached called after the game to get their take on the situation) And mind it this is months worth of a season it's just a few weeks. I can tell you there are other things I would like to be doing but when you have kids there's a commintment there big or small and you just make those sacrifices. Let it be sports or scholastic.

I just don't get it how this world has come to a, oh we'll just quit instead of trying to work on our differences to try and resolve any issues. Could be the reason why divorce rates are high? Just saying.

Ok getting off my soap box now, I have said my piece and gotten this off my chest. Thank you to anyone who read this If you leave a comment if there was something different you would do please let me know, or if you think you know how we might be able to get the player that left to come back to the team.
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ANNESYLVIA 5/7/2013 6:42PM

    Oh the kid that quit was the one being mistreated! Okay I see now. Too bad the "troubled" kid does not apologize to him. But again, we don't know why parents let him.

I also read the comment at coffee hut. I better understand now.

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H9LIPPY 5/6/2013 6:12PM

    Hi Anne

It was the other kid that quite emoticon The "troubled" kid is the other coaches kid and will be there till the end. The "troubled" kid we have been working with for awhile now on his attitude. It's to the point that he just won't be allowed to play no matter how bad he wants to play because his is a sore loser and a flashy winner and no one wants to be around him.

I will tell you that when Friday's practice comes around he will be apologizing for his behaviour. I think you might be right that the play date got cancelled maybe not so much because of a grounding but the other parents may not want the two playing together. The "troubled" kid may bring out the worst in the other kid and the parents just don't want to deal with misbehaving due to playing with other that can't behave themselves.

In teams past I have had parents come up to me at the end and say that their player wanted to quite but they made them stick it out. Just think of the other team mates that count on you, it's not fair to just up and leave because of differences you have with someone else on the team.

Oh the drama lol. Again glad my soccer team who travels for their games doesn't have this much drama. We did have one girl quite because she was afraid of the ball and hadn't played since she was 4 and only joined because of her friend that's on the team.

Comment edited on: 5/6/2013 6:13:37 PM

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ANNESYLVIA 5/6/2013 5:56PM

    So, this "troubled" child quit because he won't own up to his rude behavior? Or did the parents make him quit because of their "limited" time to spare? I ask because if our children makes a commitment to a team (or anything for that matter) he/she must follow it through until the end. Too bad if they now realize it is not what they wanted or think it keeps them from play dates...again too bad.
My children love sports, so, not a problem, but my son signed up for chorus and band. He likes chorus but dislikes band because the music teacher assigned him his 3rd choice of instruments. He really dislikes playing it. This all started in October and since December he just complains..again too bad. He still does not care for it and now even has to get up early on Monday morning for extra practice for recital on May 20th he is not happy. But he knows he made a commitment and that is that. Hey, I also have to get up earlier to get him there. We all sacrifice, that is life.
However, I am wondering if maybe this particular "troubled" kid has a pattern. I mean supposedly the play date (reason for his rude attitude) was cancelled altogether because of mis behavior? Maybe his parents are simply "done" with his attitude and are forcing him to quit. Rude behavior has to be disciplined. Maybe that was the price. Just maybe the parents are tired of chauffeuring him around when he does not deserve it. In that case, it is their business and you may never know for sure. It is quit possible a family matter that might be ongoing. For instance, if Logan asked us to let him try band again with a different instrument that will not happening. His whining and giving us a hard time is not worth it to us. It is okay to be unhappy but he should have just try his best and be grateful for the opportunity. It cost us time, aggravation and $200 to rent the instrument. He did not show us that he was mature enough to deal with the 3rd choice instrument. We are not taking anymore chances. Logan is a fourth grader. Maybe in middle school and using his own money to try another instrument we might give him permission for a second chance. Who knows maybe the parents of the 'troubled" kid is going through a similar situation. Of course, we are slightly different in that we won't let our children quit in the middle of any activity unless it was deemed unsafe or something of that nature. We all parent differently.
Try to enjoy the rest of the season... emoticon

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H9LIPPY 5/6/2013 4:21PM

    Thank you so much for the comments Pickie98 emoticon Yes they are grade school age, 5th grade to be exact. Most of these kids haved played together for years and are friends outside of football. The two involved in this is that case and wish to stay friends even after all this has gone down.

I think it's just a case of the parents not being happy on one game and the turn out and instead of trying to work something out like adults decided to just walk away. Not sure what that tells their child.

It's going to be a hard practice on Friday when we have to explain to the kids about why this player isn't here. But most of them already know just because they all hang out together outside of the field.

The rest of the team seems fine, we will get through this and hopfully can continue on having fun and teaching skills. Just glad my soccer team isn't this drama filled.

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PICKIE98 5/6/2013 4:03PM

    I do not know the ages of these players, and it is not clear who was who, but I will guess it is elementary school. If the one player who acted out during all of this, wants to, IMHO I would say, let him quit,, nobody is indispensable. It might be an opportunity for another player to step up to the plate,, and shine.
As far as the parents who complained about their plate being full with work,etc.

If it was me, I would sit down and explain to my boy that some people do not choose to resolve issues, but just walk away.. teaching the children is important at this time in their life.
By the time they get to junior high or high school, they will have witnessed boys who try to take everything over and be the center of attention..Usually guys just ignore those types and play around them. Life is full of disappointments, maybe this boy will see that they might have to let somebody else be in charge sometimes,, a great life lesson. The coach was very nice and very wise to offer rides, but stay out of the adults conflicts.

Good luck to all you coaches. Donating part of your life for the kids is wonderful! Might have to reform the team,, that is okay too..

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