God has impressed not despising small beginnings on my heart so clearly over the last several weeks, and nearly the minute he did opportunities for ministry started budding. For many years I did not know what I was supposed to do. I tried my hand at just about everything before falling into healthcare. I like healthcare a lot. There are always needs and being a part of a team that gets to meet them always felt great. It wasnít until I got to being a stay at home mom again that I realized God has called me to do something more.
Been waiting seven years to minister to folks, itís been that long since Iíve known God was changing the direction of my life, at least in part. During that time, I have fought with myself and God over timing, opportunity, finances, well you name it really. I nearly landed a job as a youth pastor in Solon but backed out because, although I knew I could do the job, I also knew it was not the right time. I grieved over that and other ďmissedĒ opportunities while Iíve waited. I think I mentioned before I knew very little of this ďwaitĒ thing with God because he had always given me tremendous favor and anything I put my hand to succeeded with minimal wait time.
Oh how things have changed, lol, now all it seems I ever do is wait. While waiting, I have learned and continue to learn so much. I learned that God does not operate like my parents. Growing up, if I wanted something all I ever had to do was yell loud enough or throw a big enough stink and my parents came running gladly just to shut me up. I learned the very hard way that God does not work like that. In fact, all of the kicking and screaming and crying in the world will not change Godís mind. TRUST ME, lol. So as Iíve been at times patiently waiting and at other times, well, less than perfectly waiting, God has shown me that he gives out very specific gifts to his kids.
We donít have to look at Mary Foo Foo and the amazing ministry God has given her because the people Mary is ministering to are the people God has specifically given to her. I donít have to go to Brother So and Soís church and be upset that Brother So and So has four hundred more attendeesí than my church because Brother So and So is ministering to the folks he needs to be ministering to and so on and so on. I think that many times church folks look around and want what other people have. The only problem with that is that we donít know what other people are going through to get them to where they are today. We have no idea the countless nights of crying or pleading or rearranging moments that have now thoroughly equipped a Saint for the work God has called him or her to! We just donít know and unless God reveals it to us often times through the very person heís did it for, we will never know, so itís just best we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.
I used to get so jealous of other peopleís things. Not so much the person, thank God, because I could tell that many times the people I was jealous of had amazing things going on in their life because their life is so horrid. No I am not jealous of the actual person, but oh man, their stuff, good Lord, lol. I would lament and moan, so and so has this and that and this and that going for them, and often times it would be EXACTLY what I want, lol. God would be quiet at times giving me an opportunity to see what the Word says about it, but sometimes he would speak. Yeno, heíd say, so and so has a terrible husband who doesnít really love her. Their lives are marred with hurt and pain; you have been given a treasure for a husband, isnít that enough?
Do you know sometimes Iíd tell the Lord, no! I told you, I am a stubborn one! Iíd say no, I want their house, their wealth, their vacations, their everything else, Lord, PLUS my husband, smiling real big as I made my request known to God. I know sometimes the Lord does a face palm with me, lol. Heís so patient, but I know he really wants me to get this. And I am, I am getting it, but isnít it funny the way the grass is always greener on the other side? Or maybe thatís just me ;) We would truly never know how green unless we were that person, so each day more and more I am determined to just be me, do me, and whatever God has for me as far as ministry, wealth, whatever really, I am leaving it in his hands. He knows what I can handle much more than I do. So I listen and I wait.
I am thankful to God for so many things, but I am really impressed with the understanding and wisdom he continues to impart. I thought God was going to take me a different way to prepare me for ministry. I thought it would involve different schooling than Iíve received, or I would need a hoard of Christians to recognize my gifts and talents before I was ever given an opportunity. They seem so slim, and doors sealed up tight, but no, oh no, God has just been doing things his way. The greatest men in the Bible were trained and equipped by God himself, and boy did he take his time! David. Jesus. Moses. Joseph! These men did not go to seminary school?! They did not have ďpoliticsĒ playing a role. No, no, no, lol, they had God and God alone. They went through the school of hard knocks and kneeology, and every one of them did incredible things for God.
Yes, the Lord has taught me a lot. The way he is crafting my ministry is much different than the way I received favor and great paying jobs in healthcare. This is very different. He desires to receive all of the glory, I am certain of it, so he purposely stuck me on a shelf and molded me himself. For the last seven years he has chipped away hard spots, moved me in the spirit to obey at his command. I have learned to be like a weaned child next to his mother or like a horse that need not a bit. I know when God speaks, and I know when he says go or stop. I love the relationship I have with him; nothing in the world satisfies me more than knowing I am in his perfect will.
Jesus paid such a heavy duty price to give us all things. I am determined not to waste a drop of his precious blood. Not everyone is called to proclaim the good news in a broad context, but all of us are called to be ministers of reconciliations, ambassadors to God, and to seek to become like little children so we may enter his kingdom. Just give me Jesus! All I need is his sweet whisper in my ear. All I need is to know that he is for me, and the rest just fades away. Oh, how I love him. How I need him for every, single area of my life! No, I will not despise the day of small beginnings, folks, because Jesus is in everything and the grace and love he provides is enough for every step.
Father, bless your people. Bless your children; pour out a blessing so big their spiritual house wonít be able to contain it. Lord, let our love for you overflow on to others. May they sense your desire to come closer and closer to them, and may they heed your call, no matter how faint. May every step we take be a step in you, and may we never forget your kindness, your goodness, and the love you have so lavishly bestowed upon us all. Heal us up where we need a touch. Make us a new in places we donít even know about yet. Comfort and bring peace to our weary, achy souls. Jesus apart from you, we are nothing. But truly with you, nothing can stand in our way. Be glorified mighty Jesus author and finisher of our faith. So be it.
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