Monday, May 06, 2013
When a friend is having a tough time I say encouraging things to them. I believe the things that I am saying. I know that encouragement can help get us through the tough times and the power of talking things through and being reasonable.
Somehow when it comes to my own struggles I don't trust it to be so. I mess up and I really get this defeatist thinking in my head. I haven't completed this journey so I will never complete it. I ate junk so I will always eat junk. I struggle and I will not let go and just get on with it.
I have been using my mantra "I am competent. I am beautiful." and it helps but there still is that negative voice. I question if I start on the road to a better me will I be able to stay on that road? I figures out that if I leave the road I will be able to get back on.
Somehow I still doubt that...I will never be the thinner healthier person I want to be. I have moments of asking myself to just try. Just do it for a bit and see what happens. Just see try...just a little bit. So you messed up. It is not an all or nothing world I tell myself. I can do it. I can do it again and again if I need to. The thought makes me tired. I worry that I have been this way and I will continue. I apparently don't accept that I myself, Pam, can change.
I am changing and I will continue to change whether it feels like I am steering or not. I am working to accept that it is possible.
I could eat better. I could get organized. I could be strong and thin. I could be happy with who I am. I have managed, except for a brief period around 13, to raise self assured kids. I need to give that same gift to myself.
My ending positive thoughts:
If I keep on the road to good health confirming continually that I want to be on this path to good health I will get there. It is possible for me to be a healthy weight, and feel good about myself. I am competent even if my weight does not change one bit.
It is not good to imagine others thinking poorly of me. Wait until they do. I might not know what they are thinking.