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A journey to finding the real me.

Monday, May 06, 2013

I have for so long been a person who just conforms to what other people feel I should be. I longed to be excepted by people so much that I became a people pleaser just to be liked. I was know as the quiet nice fat girl in high school. Everybody thought I was so nice and of course I was heavy so I was a fat girl. I was nice to people even if they were mean to me hoping someone would take the time to get to know me. I was even thrown in trash cans a couple of times and told to stay where I belonged with the other trash.

I then graduated and thought it could all be different, but I went from looking for exceptance in school to that in men. I would date guys I wasn't even attracted to simply because they would date me. I also gave up who I was and morfed myself into what I thought they would like. I only became what thought they would like. For my first husband I even lost weight so he would stop telling how I needed to lose weight because I was fat and that embarrassed him. That need to please continued through a divorce and many relationships. I only have been able to finally realize in the last year it is ok to be me.

I have through this process of changing myself to a healthy me want to find myself. I want to get to know me again, not the person I have created to make everybody else happy. I never really have thought about it, but what makes me happy? What do I really want? I always have ignored what I want and my desires to make everybody else happy. It is a process of not only the discovery of my healthier me, but who the happier me is as well.

I am slowly melting away to the healthier me hopefully the happier one will come out and help me to be who I am.

Happy Sparking!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    That is such a tragedy, that fat shaming is not only acceptable in our society, but even encouraged by peer pressure. I am glad that you are coming to terms with what you want for yourself, and that you have made it this far; somewhere inside you is a strong inner person who helped guide you here, who never left you even in the darkest times, and who is now emerging to help you along even more. You are doing great, keep strong!
    1751 days ago
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