Watching someone else do it.
Monday, May 06, 2013
I saw something painful this weekend. It wasn't me doing it, but it could have been. And I can't get it out of my mind.
We stayed with my parents over the weekend and ate lunch with them. There wasn't a single fresh fruit or vegetable in the house and my dad indulged me by running up to the local grocery store salad bar to get stuff just for me. Yay! Everyone else just had hot dogs and french fries. I felt bad for my kids eating that way, but I reconciled that we are at grandma's house and things can slide for a day.
As we were cleaning up, I went upstairs with the baby. I could see all of the downstairs including the laundry room, where my mother was. Eating another hot dog.
I felt crushed. There she was eating in secret. Why? Was it me? I worry that it was the stress of having my family there and that I drove her to this eating. I felt awful that she felt she had to hide and be ashamed at what she was doing. I felt awful that I couldn't do anything about it.
Feeling powerless to food sucks. I don't want it for my mom, I don't want it for me, and I especially don't want it for my kids.
I want us to feel strong and healthy and in control. And I want it to begin with me.
I'm posting this even though it feels just a little too personal. I don't talk this way with my mom, so I won't be able to discuss this with her. And I'm not in a bad place emotionally with food. I'm just sad that she is.
Thanks for reading and your support!