Monday, May 06, 2013
it is sometimes almost impossible to remember how we felt only a few short days before, and for me this entire past week has seemed like an eternity rather than just the 7 days that actually passed.
last sunday i was feeling euphoric, accomplished, motivated, proud, energized, confident, successful, and athletic. all tremendously positive emotions. i had just completed the 10k race that i had spent months training for, finishing in a personal best time, feeling like i ran a great race and enjoyed every moment of it... and then the birthday day celebrating began. for the next 7 days i ate whatever i wanted, and didn't run once. at first i was too sore (my quads were very tight after the race), and then i told myself it was ok to take a week off to rest before starting to train for my next 10K in 6 weeks. and since i wasn't exercising, and it was my birthday, i gave myself the green light to eat whatever my heart desired.
here i am, i week later, 7 short days later, and i am like a different person... i am feeling fat, lazy, depressed, ashamed, unfit, and so very disappointed in myself and my horrid decision making. oh, and a whopping 12 lbs heavier!!!
so here i am at a crossroad - a place i have been many times before. i have lost over 120 lbs only to gain 90 of them back not once, but twice! clearly i have come to these forks in the road and turned the wrong way. but not this time!!
am i disappointed? OF COURSE
am i frustrated with myself? OF COURSE
am i going to have to work my butt off to get back what i lost/gained? OF COURSE
will i let that get me down? OF COURSE NOT
i am going to put the scale away (hidden!), get back to my detailed training schedule, and remember how i felt a week ago... but i'm also going to think about all of the negative emotions i'm feeling about myself today, and hopefully end this self-destructive cycle that has only ever brought me sadness and pain.
here's to hoping i can undo this past week, and look back at is as the time i chose the RIGHT path in the fork in the road!