Monday, May 06, 2013
There are lots of street peddlars in Chicago. Most of the time I walk right past them and ignore them. Today however, there was a peddlar, that as I walked past, said, nice and loud to me, "Those are some serious stretch marks!" Now, I don't know this man from Adam. I will likely never see him again. Yet that comment was enough to stop me in my tracks, have my mouth gape open at him, and have the comment ringing in my head almost 8 hours later.
It HURT. I was feeling pretty good up till that point. I was wearing a shirt that I hadn't been able to fit in quite some time, and my jeans, although they had previously made the Yes-they-fit cut, were slightly too big. Big enough that after they get washed, they will be donated. So I was feeling pretty good up till that point.
But that one comment from a total stranger HURT. It sent my budding self-confidence CRASHING through the floorboards and past the basement. Suddenly I didn't feel good about the way I looked. So my clothes were fitting better? Big deal. So my pants were too big and now needed replacing? Suddenly all I could see was that I was still fat, and pouchy from the remnants of my tummy and the pregnancy.
All the ugly things I'd ever called myself were back and I was nearly in tears.
I don't have a real answer to this. My best answer is that he hit a sore spot. I don't like that my belly still pouches out from some of my clothes, and when I wear baggy slacks, it shows. My belly has always been a sore spot, as I carry my weight in my tummy, causing people to ask if I was pregnant long before I was.
I thought I was past that. I thought I'd gotten over that sensitivity. Apparently not. I wish I could say that I brushed it off, and it ceased to bother me. Not so much. I haven't tracked anything besides my breakfast today, and frankly, I don't want to. I ate badly.
I ate emotionally; things I rarely indulge in became the comfort foods of the day - soda, a candy bar, a frappachino at Starbucks. (I was headed there anyway, but the man made the comment just as I was heading in, so I went for the most choclaty drink they had as comfort - didn't even think about it really)
I'm realistic enough to be able to look back at the rest of my day and see just exactly WHY I made the poor choices that I did. But I'm not gonna let this deter me tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new choices, and I will do what I need to do to be back on track. :)