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I like being fat!! One of the biggest lies I used to tell myself.

Sunday, May 05, 2013

First off, wanted to say that I fit (snugly) into jeans I haven't worn in ages today. Even about 6 or more months before I got pregnant. Here is a pic since I LOVE taking pics. haha



Ok on to the randomness. haha

It is funny how people automatically tell you about what they eat and why they are doing what they are doing when they notice you have lost weight or a conversation comes up regarding working out or something. I don't even ask people about their diet or excercise and I hear all about it. One of the biggest things I hear is... I am happy being fat right now. I don't have the motivation to do what you are doing. Now.... I used to say this. I used to say I loved my curves (my fat rolls are not sexy curves btw lol) and that I loved eating the way I did and I would be fat and happy the rest of my life. I WAS NOT HAPPY BEING FAT! I still am not happy being overweight. Biggest lie ever. I think people just want others to think they are ok with themselves but we all have been there. It is just something we tell ourselves and others so it seems ok to be unhealthy.

I have realized that I HATE the BMI system. While I do think that it can gauge where you are, I think it is complete and utter crap. lol Yes, I am a big chick. Yes, I am overweight. BUT I am short and have big boobs and that means that the BMI does NOT work in my advantage. Just until this week, I was at a 40+ BMI. I am now 39.2 which means that I am now only Class 2 Obese instead of Class 3 (which is the highest). I am still morbidly obese. MORBID?? Do I look like I am 1000 lbs and that I could die at any second? I hate seeing that term on my charts at the doctor. I was always so awful to see it week after week when I was pregnant. Erghhh. I remember being 130 in highschool and I was still considered overweight according to the BMI because I am short. That messes with your head!!

Onto another thing. I have realized now that I have actually lost more than 10 lbs that there are the people that genuinely happy for me and the people who aren't. Let me explain. The people who are happy for me are people who are also going through the same thing and the ones closest to me. On the other hand, there is my mom and my cousin to pinpoint them. My cousin is overweight also and she was going to go to the gym with me but never signed up. She will like every post of mine on FB but my fitness and weight loss ones. When I see her she doesn't even mention anything to me about how I look or whatever. It makes me feel awkward! My Aunt and Uncle stay stuff about it and she just sits there and gets this weird fake smile on her face. It is sooo weird. NOW my mom.... ugh. She drives me nuts. When I started gaining weight she would brag about how she weighed less than me. At one point she weighed 40 lbs less than me. I was happy for her! It sucked for me but whatever. I called her Friday and told her how much I weighed and this is how the conversation went down...

"Mom, I am so excited! I weigh 209 now!!"
"......... that doesn't make me happy" (awkward silence)
"ummm why wouldn't you be happy for me?"
"well you weigh less than me now and I don't like it"
"........ umm, ok"

Yea... how do you even respond to that? She should be happy for me! She should be happy I am losing weight and getting healthy! It made me sad and makes me not want to share my good news with her anymore!

Ok now that I am officially typed out, I am off to bed.

I had a busy busy weekend and just finished it off with a 2 mile walk/run. This mama is tired!

Thanks for listening to my rambles (if you made it this far lol)

Jackie - chatty mama



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BATMAN_FOREVER 5/14/2013 9:24AM

    When my favorite shirts didn't fit I constantly told myself that the shirts had shrunk....not that I'd gotten bigger. You're right it is a lie we often tell ourselves. Once you face your challenges head on it gets a little better. Don't worry about those who don't encourage you. It's not worth the effort to think about them. Keep heading in a positive direction because you can do it emoticon

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PRETTYPITHY 5/9/2013 2:02PM

    I have so much to respond to in this post!

Yes, I, too, lied to myself while the scale was moving upward, saying I wasn't THAT big, still looked good, "at least I look better than HER" (random strangers), etc. All lies, all toxic, all told to justify the direction my life was headed. I could not see the lies until I began to really and truly make this journey primary in my life and realize I had been hiding from the truth all along.

BMI is the worst if you're short and stacked! I had full body imaging done and was told that just my muscles, skeleton, head, brain and body fluids (blood) weighs approximately 147 pounds. I'm 5'3! So, even if I were reduced to only a skeleton, vital organs, skin and hair, I would still be overweight according to the BMI chart! I am SO beyond that thing! I would, of course, prefer to be in the healthy range but I'm going to work with my doctor to figure out what that range is FOR ME.

Lastly, sadly, it's true, some people are overjoyed for your weight loss while others want to tear you down, or worse, trip you up. I can think of at least three important people in my life you are obviously not happy for me. They are all unhappy with their own weights. Having me lose weight forces them to question their own choices. I can appreciate that that is uncomfortable. But it is still hurtful to feel that they aren't rooting for me as I feel they should be.

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CLPURNELL 5/6/2013 10:43PM

    Great blog. More people need to be really honest with themselves. only then can you truly change!

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MALLORY421 5/6/2013 11:40AM

    Congratulations on your weight loss! I wouldn't know how to respond to that conversation either. Like others have said, its jealousy because your doing something about it, and they aren't. Your seeing results, and they aren't. Don't let it get you down - they are struggling and don't want to admit to anyone, even themselves.

And your totally right about telling ourselves lies. I sometimes will think that I'm OK with the weight I am now...but I'm not. I might have a day or two where I FEEL skinny, but I'm not. Mostly I'm noticing something about my clothes that doesn't fit right, or feels uncomfortable and then I'm adjusting myself all day long.

Your doing great!!! emoticon

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SCAREWALDORF 5/6/2013 12:39AM

    Mom and cousin are clearly jealous and feel threatened. Like your mother says, you use to weigh less than her. She didn't have to confront her weight because she wasn't the biggest, you were. Now that you are showing them you CAN do something about it, they are having to think about the fact that you are BLASTING any excuses they had and they probably don't like it. It sounds like your Aunt and Uncle are supportive at least, so hopefully you can get support from them. I hope that your mother and cousin come around and support you in the wonderful progress you are making.

xoxo

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DRB13_1 5/5/2013 11:40PM

    emoticon emoticon
sorry to hear your mom and cousin are having a hard time supporting you, but listen to your supportive SparkFriends and keep remembering your goals are for YOU. Even now you are an inspiration, and at some point your family members may look in the mirror and decide to turn their lives around as you are doing. Never quit!
emoticon emoticon

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ANNMACP0212 5/5/2013 11:37PM

    Loved this!! You nailed it--we tell ourselves lies because the truth is too hard to handle sometimes...thanks for your honesty!

I'm sorry about our mom's attitude. Don't let it stop you. Or cause ourself to doubt your efforts. She'll get over it! You go girl!

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