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    MOONBIRD   31,175
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Binge x2


Sunday, May 05, 2013

I haven't had an actual binge in a while. There were times recently when I definitely ate too much, but it wasn't completely out of control. Well, last night and today, I binge ate.

When I am doing it, I really feel like I can't stop. I've noticed that it tends to happen during times when I feel completely worried, stressed, and overwhelmed. I've felt like that a lot this week, and now I am in a depression. I try really hard not to be sad, but no matter what I do it doesn't go away.

Then I start to eat thinking I'll feel better with just a little something, and before I know it, I have lost control. Last night I ate many pudding cups, I don't even know how many...5, maybe 6. I ate a bag of popcorn, the whole damn bag. I ate a muffin, and had 5 glasses of wine, so I also got drunk. No, I am not an alcoholic. I rarely drink, but last night I just didn't care.

Today I did ok until the kids went to bed, and then I ate half a pan of brownies. I feel like total crap now.

The reason I am writing about this--when I could just pretend it never happened-- is that I want everyone to know I am not perfect, and I don't pretend to be. I also want to have some accountability so I don't keep doing this.

Whenever this happens, I feel like a complete failure because I have lost control. I feel like I am letting everyone down who has looked to me for inspiration. I contemplated not saying anything, but I feel like being honest is the right thing to do.

I'm going to make tomorrow a better day. Even if I am still feeling depressed, I will make good food choices and remind myself that numbing myself with food only makes me feel worse after I'm done eating.

I read Runs for Cookies, and coincidentally she binge ate this weekend. After reading her blog tonight, it made me want to write my own.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COFFEE_123456 5/7/2013 6:59PM

    I'm sorry that you are having a tough time - glad to see that you aren't beating yourself up about it. I'm sure you are a great person just as you are - no need to have the pressure of feeling like you need to be perfect. Everyone has their ups and downs and you seem to rally quickly and really keep a positive approach.

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TIME4CARRI 5/7/2013 12:48AM

    Oh dear,
I also binged this weekend and I will head over to runs for cookies, I used to follow her a while back. I haven't even really logged on because I feel like crud too. You don't need the pressure of feeling like you have to be a perfect role model. You inspire because you are so real. I hope you forgive yourself and move on like I know you will. It sucks to feel depressed over these things. When I am doing everything right I can't even imagine I will lose control ever again so I totally get it. It's startling to lose control after so long. Onward we go emoticon

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CHANTENAY 5/6/2013 9:45PM

    You've done terrific and this is a bump in the road. I'm sorry this is happening to you but I know you'll bounce back. Things will get better.

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EMMACLAIRE5 5/6/2013 3:07PM

    Hope today is a better day for you - hang in there!

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ADVENTURESEEKER 5/6/2013 9:19AM

    emoticon
Those of us with that issue have been there, done that. Pick up and make today a fresh day! You've got this.

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NOW2DAY 5/6/2013 8:11AM

    emoticon

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FLFITBEE 5/6/2013 7:58AM

    Hope you are feeling better today.

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GRUMBLEGIRL 5/6/2013 6:47AM

    I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch. Take care and know that it will pass.

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SANDJIES 5/6/2013 2:24AM

    You are still an inspiration and even more so because you are not perfect and for admitting it. Yes you had a bad day, but as you said, tomorrow you make good choices and you know that if you break the pattern of binging that you will feel a lot better soon. emoticon

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BRENDABUNNY 5/5/2013 11:07PM

    I think we all go thru times in our lives where something will put us into a different frame of mind that makes us at the moment not care about ourselves as we normally do.
The thing is you most likely have 95 % or more good days when your treating your body well and your mind/mood isn't able to influence you, depression can be really hard on a person and you have been thru an awful lot this week with family.
You are still a SUPER wonderful inspiration to everyone!
I hope/and know that this next week you will turn it around because you are emoticon and emoticon emoticon

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