Sunday, May 05, 2013
Oh my! Have I been in a bad space or what? I've just browsed over my past few blog entries over April and overall - I NEED an OVERHAUL!.
It has just been a tough month. I have zero fitness minutes. Yup. Zero. Not a proud moment. And the tracking has been sporadic at best.... and I see I am fast approaching 10,000 spark points - and I have to take a minute and pause to reflect... 10,000 is like a milestone and I'm just dragging myself over the marker instead of doing a high five high jump over it.
Somewhere I lost my mo jo. I'm struggling career wise.... having to take on a job to make ends meet as I lost out on two contracts that would have kept me busy in my new business for the next 4 months - so I am bummed out big time over having to go back to " a job".
I am trying really hard to remember that it takes time to build a business and that it is not a failure - its just a bump in the road. But my posture isn't buying it. Neither is the look on my face. It is making me very sad and frustrated.
Now somehow it has infiltrated my daily routine. can you say " down in the dumps?" That is the best expression I can think of. And usually I go work out to " work it out"... but this time I went straight to sitting on the couch with my blanky feeling sorry for myself.
HOw bad is that? Too much blanky time! Need some shake it up time..... and today it is finally starting to resemble spring outside. I just came home from working all day and it is my only evening off so I'm going to make a healthy dinner ( a little mexican in honor of Cinqo de Mayo) - see I'm not totally off in space - there are a few redeeming qualities left in me.
My co-worker today (slim trim and blond and blue eyed and some 25 years younger) - was spending time putting together her work out routine for the next six weeks. She decided this week she's doing the Manitoba Marathon 1/2 marathon in 6 weeks. Just like that. I miss that confidence in myself. That I CAN DO THIS! attitude....
Tomorrow morning I am off. I'm setting out my runners and my back pack and walkman (shut up - yes I still have a walkman - let's not even go there.....) - tonight. I"m going to do my summer good weather routine tomorrow - my 5 km walk along river road. I need to reconnect with my inner self. I need to find where I have buried my confidence... I need to get back the bounce in my step.....
I am too tired of too much weight dragging around me all the time... I am too tired of hovering in the 200 lb zone at 5 feet tall. Enough !!! Time to tell the fat girl in me to GET LOST ALREADY! And let the slim me get a stronger voice... It has to be in there still ... somewhere......