20,000-24,999 SparkPoints 23,487

Time for an Attitude Overhaul

Sunday, May 05, 2013

Oh my! Have I been in a bad space or what? I've just browsed over my past few blog entries over April and overall - I NEED an OVERHAUL!.

It has just been a tough month. I have zero fitness minutes. Yup. Zero. Not a proud moment. And the tracking has been sporadic at best.... and I see I am fast approaching 10,000 spark points - and I have to take a minute and pause to reflect... 10,000 is like a milestone and I'm just dragging myself over the marker instead of doing a high five high jump over it.

Somewhere I lost my mo jo. I'm struggling career wise.... having to take on a job to make ends meet as I lost out on two contracts that would have kept me busy in my new business for the next 4 months - so I am bummed out big time over having to go back to " a job".
I am trying really hard to remember that it takes time to build a business and that it is not a failure - its just a bump in the road. But my posture isn't buying it. Neither is the look on my face. It is making me very sad and frustrated.

Now somehow it has infiltrated my daily routine. can you say " down in the dumps?" That is the best expression I can think of. And usually I go work out to " work it out"... but this time I went straight to sitting on the couch with my blanky feeling sorry for myself.

HOw bad is that? Too much blanky time! Need some shake it up time..... and today it is finally starting to resemble spring outside. I just came home from working all day and it is my only evening off so I'm going to make a healthy dinner ( a little mexican in honor of Cinqo de Mayo) - see I'm not totally off in space - there are a few redeeming qualities left in me.

My co-worker today (slim trim and blond and blue eyed and some 25 years younger) - was spending time putting together her work out routine for the next six weeks. She decided this week she's doing the Manitoba Marathon 1/2 marathon in 6 weeks. Just like that. I miss that confidence in myself. That I CAN DO THIS! attitude....

Tomorrow morning I am off. I'm setting out my runners and my back pack and walkman (shut up - yes I still have a walkman - let's not even go there.....) - tonight. I"m going to do my summer good weather routine tomorrow - my 5 km walk along river road. I need to reconnect with my inner self. I need to find where I have buried my confidence... I need to get back the bounce in my step.....

I am too tired of too much weight dragging around me all the time... I am too tired of hovering in the 200 lb zone at 5 feet tall. Enough !!! Time to tell the fat girl in me to GET LOST ALREADY! And let the slim me get a stronger voice... It has to be in there still ... somewhere......
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you for saying exactly how I have been feeling too! Hang in there. I am here to listen and help.
    1684 days ago
  • SWP0213
    My down-cycles have been lasting longer and longer... I can't say that I've had a solid month of activity and/or weight loss in I don't know how long. Here's hoping that the nicer weather will pull us out of the funk and into the sunshine. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know!

    1684 days ago
    I am so sorry that you are dealing with so much stuff in terms of your career and feeling down in the dumps. I hope things start to look up on that front. It sounds like you have a great plan to get your fitness minutes in and I know you can do it. April wasn't the month I wanted it to be either, let's try to make May better! emoticon emoticon
    1685 days ago
    I hear you loud and clear about the responses that aren't good for us.
    I would get so upset about the scale not doing what it should have, (because I'd eaten right AND exercised) that I'd have NO desire to exercise that day. Just who did I think I was punishing by that???

    I'm glad you aren't allowing yourself to stay in that place. You're making progress one decision at a time, even if it isn't in exactly the linear fashion you'd like. Hang in there. You CAN do it.
    1685 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    The most important thing is that you don't give up! emoticon
    1685 days ago
  • MARIANNE9855
    Great plan after your walk you will feel a lot better!
    I know how hard it is every day I fight with myself just to get on my bike. I always feel better when I am done but its still torture to getstarted emoticon
    1685 days ago
  • 68ANNE
    It is nice to hear that determination in your voice. I see you loud and clear and I bet the fat and slim girls hear you too! ! ! ! ! !
    1685 days ago
    Hang in there-life can truly be full of ups and downs. You can do it! emoticon
    1685 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by STARSUB99