Sunday, May 05, 2013
I never got around to adding the pics from Halloween. Some of them have Jack in them. He didn't dress up, but I always get him to pose with me.
I love him so much. I don't think it is time to put him down yet. He is still so happy, so loving, so waggy! Poor thing is always falling over, but wants to run and bark and give kisses! I was going to do my indoor walking while he was outside, but he decided to come in. He is much more lethargic than he used to be and he's always been rather lazy. He is a dog made for loving. He wants to be scratched and held and cuddled. He is a contact dog. He wants human contact all the time.
That is one reason I am so scared to have to put him down. I keep telling myself that my sister will be waiting on the other side to greet him and love him and give him all the attention he could want. That Grandma will be there to love him too. That his uncle will be there (my brother) to tease him and play with him.... that all his cousins that went on before him will be woofing and wagging their welcomes. I keep telling myself all this as the tears run down my face!
I have been soooo depressed. I went from overstressed to majorly depressed. Mother's Day is approaching and I no longer have a mom. We didn't celebrate on Mother's Day anyhow since it hurt her knowing she had lost 2 of her children. So, we always had a special day together in between mother's day and her birthday (May 31). My father in law always gets us fresh strawberries each year and when he brought some to my house I just broke down. We always got him to get my mom some too. She loved fresh strawberries. I just miss her. I feel so bad and when you feel bad you want your mommy. Jack does.
My dad is doing OK. But, I'm not sure he is getting the necessary rehab that he deserves and needs. I'm not sure I made the right decision for his rehab. I'm not sure of anything. There are some improvements, but then not so much. the MD recommended PT twice a day but he only gets one hour of PT and that is combined with his occupational therapy and that is how this place is set up. So, do I move him? Where? Where he is is close to the church and close to a very good friend who doesn't drive. Should I move him? I dunno! What if my decision is hurting his recovery? I just don't know!
All I do is cry. My doctor adjusted my meds but I don't know how much that will help. I feel helpless. Totally helpless.
Well, Jack went back outside, so I'm going to do some indoor walking. I don't know if we will ever get my pool open! The weather has been unseasonably cool. Can I just run away to a tropical island?
I thank you for all the prayers for Dad and for Jack. I keep hoping for a miracle, but I'm not stupid. I'm not even hopeful. I just hurt and I don't like it.