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    LAYLUC1703   9,140
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Grief and weight gain...

Sunday, May 05, 2013

My dad died 9 years ago, and my mom 5 years ago, both unexpectedly. Both times my world was twisted around, and although I put on a brave face for everyone else, inside I fell apart. Even now, I miss them both more than I can describe. And I'm beginning to think my grief has a wicked stranglehold on me, and I don't know how to escape it.

I really started putting on weight after my dad died. The relationship I was in at the time was horrible, and my self-esteem plummeted. I was so very lonely - my brother and I were fighting, my mom and I weren't particularly close at the time (besides my folks divorced when I was very little, so she didn't share in my grief). That's when I turned to food when I was alone and bored.

I'd started working out again not long before my mom passed. I'd left that horrible relationship, but when she died, I went right back - I felt completely alone, and that was as close to family as I had. I stopped working out, and found myself back in my previous rut.

Fast forward, and I've recovered from that bad relationship and now have a family I love and adore, and friends to keep me busy and share a shoulder when I'm down.

But my grief is still ever present. It won't let go, and there are days when I feel controlled by it. My memories are filled with my parents, and all the things I wish I'd done differently, all the words I wish I'd said - and sometimes, not said. I still keep up the brave face, and I know my family and friends don't know how much my heart still hurts.

So it dawned on me while watching "The Biggest Loser," that maybe my grief is doing more than hurting my soul. Maybe it's also keeping the pounds on. That sounds like an excuse, but I'm wondering if I'm subconsciously sabotaging myself with negative words and body images as a way of feeding my guilt. Does that make sense to anyone else? Has anyone else felt the same?
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LAYLUC1703 5/8/2013 8:16PM

    emoticon for your support! And you're all right - I really should see a therapist. I did see someone after my dad died, but frankly she was awful. It didn't help our appointment was right after her lunch hour, and I can't tell you how often I noticed her actually nodding off. SP had a really great article ("Good Grief") that helped me better understand the stages of grief, too.

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JEN_ORR 5/6/2013 11:26AM

  I agree with Susan - see if you can find someone to talk to - if you have access to an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) you can usually get some sessions covered for free.

I do understand what you are talking about. My brother died 8 years ago. My whole family has changed since then. I barely talk to my parents and sister anymore and when we do it feels forced and uncomfortable, and my sister-in-law won't speak to anyone anymore after some of the BS my parents put her through.

I had a few things that helped me - at the time I was trying to finish my degree and had to travel two nights a week to school which was over an hour away. I would get in the car, and no matter how good my day was, I would cry and cry and cry. It was the only private time I had away from my spouse, my friends and family to just let it out. I also saw a Therapist for a while to talk about my grief which helped me put his death in perspective and resolve and accept some of the family issues that resulted.



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SUSANBEAMON 5/6/2013 1:57AM

  it sounds like you bottled up your grief and tried to side step it. grief doesn't bottle well and will not be avoided. the only way to deal with it is to deal with it, and with the side issues of family. I suggest therapy also. a good grief councilor will do wonders for your psyche and your weight.

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JOANNHUNT 5/5/2013 2:22PM

    GRIEF WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS. WEIGHT GAIN IS HARD TO GET DOWN IF YOU CAN'T DEAL WITH THE DEATHS OF YOUR PARENTS. I HAD TO GO TO COUNCELLING TO DEAL WITH A PROBLEM I HAD FROM BEING ATTACKED IN MY HOME. I STILL HAVE SOME ISSUES, BUT I AM WORKING THROUGH IT.YOU MIGHT WANNA TRY SOME KIND OF THERAPY TO HELP YOU. HANG IN THERE.


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