Saturday, May 04, 2013
Not going to lie, sometimes I do feel like quitting or giving up or just not trying as much. But like the picture says, "I have a lot of _________ to prove wrong." Especially myself. Looking back I realize I was always the hardest on myself. I mean sure my family said and did some really mean things and it really hurt and I of course want to prove them wrong. But because of all the things they said and did, it made me believe it and I always, always ended up being much harder on myself. Looking back I realize that I was even unhappier and unhealthier than I thought. Mentally and physically. There are times where I just want to quit.. Like when I don't see the scale moving. Or when I do see the scale moving but I actually feel like I gained weight and not lost it. Or when I see people doing things (like running) and knowing that I'm not there yet. All these things make me want to quit. They make me want to give up and not try. But somewhere along this journey I started I found the strength to keep going. I use to give in to the wanting to quit. But something is different this time. When I get those feelings I find myself digging deep and pushing on even harder than before.
Now though that I am on this journey of mine, I can slowly feel those feelings of not being good enough breaking. I can feel myself getting stronger, mentally and physically and I am happy. Really happy. I am not where I want to be yet but I am on my way there and it makes me feel great. I have a man that loves me no matter what. He is always supporting and encouraging me and even working out with me! Now when I see people doing things that I can't do yet I find myself saying, I'll be doing that soon. I can't do it yet but I will get there.
Like running. I have never been a runner. But for some odd reason I got the urge to do a 5K. Yet each time I set out to train for it something in me said, "You're too fat for this. Fat people don't run." I would always get discouraged. I would always give up and go back to doing what I knew I could do.
Now though I have realized that I can do it. The only thing stopping me from doing it is myself. So I have sought out help. I have read articles upon articles about training for a 5K. I have read blogs from people that have ran 5K's. I have even talked to friends about breathing strategies. And.. I haven taken myself out jogging. I may not be able to go that far but I know that I have to take baby steps to get there. And now tonight, I have downloaded an app called C25K. I am going to use it to help me train for my 5K. I am excited about using the app and the help that it will offer. I am even more excited because I can see my goal in site!!!
I CAN DO IT!