Saturday, May 04, 2013
I have to say this blog will be reliving one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. I am asked all the time about having extra skin, of course I have it, yes it is a problem. I try to look at it as some badge of honor, that I did this the right way, that I fought long and hard to loose this weight on my own. It isn't working. I hear girls say all the time their stretch marks from their pregnancies are their earned tiger stripes…. well my stripes aren't from my little cub, I was honestly so big no one knew I was pregnant. I try to pretend it isn't their and I am an expert in hiding it in clothes.
So flash back to this week. I had been running on the treadmill. Realized I had to run the garbage can to the curb before we got skipped over. I run outside and when I do the neighbors are out. So of course I go over to say hi. Their adorable 4 year old runs up to grab a hug, but that day something struck her. She has seen me in shorts a million times. She reached over and hit the extra skin on my inner thighs and goes. "it jiggles", it feels so cool, why does it do that?" Of course her Mom (who is one of my dearest friends) was a national cheerleader competitor and is an avid runner. So no jiggle there. I just smiled at her and tried to explain in my best four year old, that one time grew really big and then it shrunk and it just looks a little different, but she was fascinated and her mother was horrified. And she finally made her go inside, because as soon as she would run by me she would try to come at me again. No one can blame her, she is four, she was curious, and to her it wasn't a big deal a part of my leg just moved different and she thought it felt squishy. I in my best big girl voice said it was fine and no worries and headed home after we finished our conversation. However, upon hitting the front door I lost it. I wasn't even sure what I was upset about to be honest. She was 4 and not like she was being mean about it. But I finally realized what it is. After all this hard work. I'm still not happy with this new body. This skin is driving me bonkers and it is impacting my life more than I thought. So maybe it is time to take the plunge and just see what a surgeon says. I treated my body like garbage for years and it left some very visible aftermath. You'd hope after all this hard work the universe would give you a break and just let things pop back, but not so much. My poor skin has been morbidly obese since I was 5. That is a long time to stretch, but I think it is about time I look in the mirror and see the victories not all the previous failures. And don't get me wrong the jiggle is much better than tons of fat. Obviously I know any form of surgery (weight loss or plastic) is a personal choice. Still not sure if I'm 100% ready but I would really like to hear what a surgeon says is even possible with my body.