Saturday, May 04, 2013
My husband cornered me last night and confronted me about my unhealthy self. All I do when I'm not working is sit on the couch or sleep. I love sleep. I could sleep most of the day if life would let me. I would sleep in, take two or three naps...I love sleep! I also don't love exercise. I am not and have never been one of those people who says, "I just look forward to my run." or "I love my time on the eliptical." The gym is a bad place in my mind, going for a walk or run takes energy I don't usually have (morning or night doesn't matter when i try to fit it in) and classes just frustrate me because I can't keep up and I feel like an idiot.
I have developed this horrible appathy toward myself and I really don't care that I've gained A LOT of weight or that I'm really unhealthy. I think its even starting to effect the way my husband sees me and that is only mildly concerning. But he seems genuinely worried about my health so last night when he got serious with me I agreed to get on the band wagon and try to get back to diet and exercise.
But here's the problem. We have tried this before and it always works for a little while and then we just slowly go back to our old ways. I brought this up as a concern to my husband and he posed the question to me...."Well, what motivates you?" And my true answer to that is I don't know. I haven't felt motivated in so long, and I've been quite depressed lately that I really don't know what will get me motivated again. A couple of years ago we set monthly goals and had a reward at the end of each month if we had met those goal. That worked well then but I don't know what kind of rewards to set up or even what some good monthly goals would be. I feel lost with his question and truly don't have an answer and he really wants an answer because I think he truly wants to help me.
I would love to be slender and attractive again but I don't know if I want it enough to put the effort into it and I don't know what will make me want it. I am going to try and come up with three goals for the month and three rewards to go with the goals but I really don't know if that is going to be really motivating or not.