Saturday, May 04, 2013
When I just reread my last blog, I think my brain was scattered and this one might be the same. I hope not.
Should have said that my Nephrologist has made arrangements for me to see a surgeon on Thursday to have a operation in near future to raise the fistula that I had done 13 months ago.
As you all know all I wanted and had planned my life around not going on dialysis. I did fight a long hard battle and until this I know I was winning. Wanted to lose the weight so I could get a chance to go on the kidney transplant list. All I needed was another 2 years cancer free. I was told that for the best chance you needed to be under 60 to make this list, that probably will not happen now. I actually only had 22 months to go to make said list.
Another thing I was going to do, I have been under the Obesity Clinic for 2 1/2 years to have a gastric bypass at a public hospital. I was on the 1 year waiting list, the year is up at the end of next month. It is only in the last month that I got excited about this course of action. Probably another thing I cannot do now. The reason I made the decision to take this action was solely to make the transplant list and to keep me off of dialysis. I am so slow losing my weight and I told that I needed to lose another 40 kgs to make this list and I felt I was running out of time.
I have been through cancer before both times I was lucky and did not have to have chemo. I time was about 14 or 15 years ago when I had a complete hysterectomy. Then just over 3 years ago I had kidney cancer and they did a partial nephrectomy. This was when I went from Stage 3 (moderate kidney disease) to Stage 5 (end stage) and I have been fighting this ever since. I had been sitting on 28 or 29 creatinine level and went down to 14. This is the Australia levels.
I honestly believe the doctor's know, my own doctor made the comment that he was devastated when he got the report, then mentioned that he feels gutted because of all I have been through in the last few years and also somewhere in this he had said it is not good news. He also had tears in his eyes as he was telling me.
Then with what the said Nephrologist in my last blog.
Yes I need answers but I think it is all heading in the same direction with whatever is in my kidney, as I said in my last blog this was not there last July and now it is 21mm round or nearly 1 inch round and in the middle of my kidney. At least last time it was on the top so they could just take a bit of kidney. I think the end result will be dialysis, the one thing I said I would never do. But I have no other options.
Now I guess I make a new phase of my life and stop thinking about the past and what I have been trying to win. That has probably gone.
Now I need to get on with the rest of my life whatever that may be. I have been awake for hours, not sleeping very well but talking about this on here has cleared my mind and it has helped so much. I really don't like talking to my family as I want to protect them. Yes I know I shouldn't but that is the way I am which I think I have proven many times on here. I have got a niece that I do talk to, we have been through so much together. She is so supportive and I have one friend that I can talk to.
Wow 7 am, I think I will go back to bed. LOL.
Thank you all again for your support.