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    WENDYJM4   177,171
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update on my last blog.

Saturday, May 04, 2013

When I just reread my last blog, I think my brain was scattered and this one might be the same. I hope not.

Should have said that my Nephrologist has made arrangements for me to see a surgeon on Thursday to have a operation in near future to raise the fistula that I had done 13 months ago.

As you all know all I wanted and had planned my life around not going on dialysis. I did fight a long hard battle and until this I know I was winning. Wanted to lose the weight so I could get a chance to go on the kidney transplant list. All I needed was another 2 years cancer free. I was told that for the best chance you needed to be under 60 to make this list, that probably will not happen now. I actually only had 22 months to go to make said list.

Another thing I was going to do, I have been under the Obesity Clinic for 2 1/2 years to have a gastric bypass at a public hospital. I was on the 1 year waiting list, the year is up at the end of next month. It is only in the last month that I got excited about this course of action. Probably another thing I cannot do now. The reason I made the decision to take this action was solely to make the transplant list and to keep me off of dialysis. I am so slow losing my weight and I told that I needed to lose another 40 kgs to make this list and I felt I was running out of time.

I have been through cancer before both times I was lucky and did not have to have chemo. I time was about 14 or 15 years ago when I had a complete hysterectomy. Then just over 3 years ago I had kidney cancer and they did a partial nephrectomy. This was when I went from Stage 3 (moderate kidney disease) to Stage 5 (end stage) and I have been fighting this ever since. I had been sitting on 28 or 29 creatinine level and went down to 14. This is the Australia levels.

I honestly believe the doctor's know, my own doctor made the comment that he was devastated when he got the report, then mentioned that he feels gutted because of all I have been through in the last few years and also somewhere in this he had said it is not good news. He also had tears in his eyes as he was telling me.

Then with what the said Nephrologist in my last blog.

Yes I need answers but I think it is all heading in the same direction with whatever is in my kidney, as I said in my last blog this was not there last July and now it is 21mm round or nearly 1 inch round and in the middle of my kidney. At least last time it was on the top so they could just take a bit of kidney. I think the end result will be dialysis, the one thing I said I would never do. But I have no other options.

Now I guess I make a new phase of my life and stop thinking about the past and what I have been trying to win. That has probably gone.

Now I need to get on with the rest of my life whatever that may be. I have been awake for hours, not sleeping very well but talking about this on here has cleared my mind and it has helped so much. I really don't like talking to my family as I want to protect them. Yes I know I shouldn't but that is the way I am which I think I have proven many times on here. I have got a niece that I do talk to, we have been through so much together. She is so supportive and I have one friend that I can talk to.

Wow 7 am, I think I will go back to bed. LOL.

Thank you all again for your support.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1BEACHWALKER 5/8/2013 12:18AM

    So sorry Wendy things are not looking well for you, but have faith that the Dr's. will give you the best care possible. Keep doing what you have been doing-stay positive and get plenty of rest. And be active when you can.
We are here for you. emoticon emoticon

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    First of all, you need sleep. Do you remember being told when you were young and upset about something that 'it will seem better after a good sleep'? It does, promise you. What you have to deal with is a huge load for anyone to handle, but at least you have a few people in your life you are able to talk openly with about your worries and concerns. Just remember that, apart from the kidney problem, you are a lighter, healthier woman than you were a few years ago, and that definitely helps when facing a big health concern. You have the love and support and the prayers of so many of us here on Spark People, and that too has to have a positive effect in some way.
Keep eating as you have been, keep up with whatever you are able to do as regards exercise, and you will be doing the best you can to help your body to cope with what's to come. Most important of all though - sleep. Sleep not only allows you to get all those random thoughts, questions and worries in perspective, but it is such an aid to healing our bodies as well
Take good care of yourself Wendy, put yourself at the top of the 'to do' list for at least a few hours every day.
Love, prayers, and good wishes,
Chris. xx emoticon

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TOTHEFUTURE1 5/5/2013 8:53AM

    emoticon I know being positive isn't easy but do try

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EFFIEANNIE 5/5/2013 7:32AM

So sorry to hear about all this. Take it one day at a time and have faith. People lead a fairly normal life on dialysis. Keep us informed. I will be thinking of you.

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POPSY190 5/5/2013 6:10AM

    So very sorry you have such a lot to come to terms with. I'm glad you do have some people you can talk to as well as your SP to support you as best we can. emoticon

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ARTJAC 5/5/2013 2:23AM

    emoticon emoticon

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APED7969 5/5/2013 1:42AM

    I'm sorry to hear you got such bad news. I hope you are getting lots of support and good care from your doctors and of course support from everyone on spark. Every kg you lose can only help you fight this. Sending positive thoughts and prayers.

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PHEBESS 5/5/2013 1:35AM

    Wow - I'm not sure I understand all the medicine of your situation, but I hope there are some things you and the doctors can do that help you with your condition - at least to buy you another 10-15 years. Or more.

Big hugs!!! And someone is always here!

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CLAIRE_LEFT_SP 5/4/2013 9:35PM

    I admit I was confused when I read it but could definitely tell you were very distressed about bad kidney news. I am so sorry it has come to this.

HOWEVER! This is no reason to stop working on your weight and other proactive things! Every kg off improves your situation. You are so strong and you must be feeling so tired and disconsolate. Have a well deserved pity party for a couple days and then get back to readying yourself for surgery.

I'm so glad you have someone to talk to face to face. We just can't really give you everything you need as much as we'd like to. Virtual hugs aren't the same.

We love you, Wendy. Your grandies need you.

FIGHT! fight! Fight! FIGHT!

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MOTLEM 5/4/2013 9:12PM

    I am sure you will get the best of physical care, Wendy.
Mental care .. well, that's what friends are for, eh!
Always here for you, girlfriend.

emoticon emoticon

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RDEE22 5/4/2013 8:45PM

    We are all thinking of you Wendy. I'm glad blogging helps. We are all there to listen. emoticon emoticon

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FELINEBETTER 5/4/2013 8:25PM

    OK Girl -- Get yourself to bed and get some rest. Things always look a little better when you've got some sleep under your belt! I'm happy to be a part of this wonderful support network called Spark. No need for thanks -- just keep looking after our friend Wendy!

emoticon emoticon

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GOANNA2 5/4/2013 8:08PM

    My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you Wendy.
I hope you can get some rest and a good sleep even
though it's daylight.

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SUSIEPH1 5/4/2013 7:21PM

    Wendy darling, know that we are with you 100 percent.
You know where to find me if you need to talk .
I know the prognoses is not good,but we must look to to future.
I am sure your doctor and specialists will do their very best to help you.
You have already been through so much,and I know this is not going to be easy.

You are a strong,wonderful caring woman my darling and I know you will fight this ..
All,my love . Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 5/4/2013 6:26PM

    Oh my gosh Wendy, I have read both your blogs and there just are no words adequate. I am so very sorry. You certainly have been through enough. . . MORE than enough. I cannot even begin to understand your level of disapointment . . . to put it mildly!

Know you're thought of and in my prayers daily, my dear Wendy. I am just devastated for you.

HUGS -- wish I was there to personally deliver them. **SIGH**

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MEGANAMENANA 5/4/2013 6:20PM

  Likewise i don't really know what to say except i'm very sorry to hear all this. You poor thing. Thinking of you during this tough time. Bad things always seem to happen to the nicest and kind hearted people. It really doesn't seem fair. X

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ROZOZ68 5/4/2013 6:06PM

    Wendy, I don't know what to say....
My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. I just spent the last 3 yrs taking care of my daughter and being there for her because of illness. I know what it like to see someone you love hurting in this way and you can't do anything except be there.
Keeping positive helps, but hard when you aren't feeling well.
emoticon Best wishes for you!

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