Saturday, May 04, 2013
I started out here last month with all the great intentions and motivations and everything else that comes with the idea of starting something new and fresh and positive. It lasted about 4 days. This past weekend I was at a family swim with a couple of friends. One friend mentioned needing to lose weight (for herself). I mentioned that I started a program 4 weeks ago that lasted about 4 days. Instead of laughing (which I anticipated) she said, "That's good! You started, you tried to do something". I had never really thought of it like that. I had been thinking I am not good at eating well for myself.
When I was younger and healthier I would look at larger people and think, why can't they stop eating so much? Now that I'm older and larger I get it. I have a hard time stopping eating so much. I am hungry. Logically, I know I'm not truly hungry. I don't have hunger needs like those who are truly starving in the world, but hungry like food addiction type hunger. The larger you are the more it takes to fill you up. I've never understood skinny women who take two bites of a dish and declare themselves so full. That's not me.
I survived a larger woman's nightmare last weekend and went bathing suit shopping. I did it. I found a suit - well, 2 pieces at 2 different stores. Swimming is something I've tried to avoid the past couple of years. I'm embarrassed to be out on a beach looking the way I do. So I would swim and then pull on a pair of shorts and a tank top over top as soon as I was out of he water. Well, my kids love swimming and it really is a great family activity so I am determined to stick it out and swim with them this summer.
So this is me, 4 weeks later and not a pound lighter, but I'm here.