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Insensitivity While Trying To Grieve

Friday, May 03, 2013

On Wed. I had to make the very difficult decision to send my Cat Son to his transition. He was a rescue when he was a kitten, then I rescued him when he was 18 mths due to the family being unable to keep him. I had almost lost him yrs ago to liver probs but he was saved. Unfortunately now his thyroid and kidneys are not functioning properly.
For most of his life he hated that we had other cats. He so wanted to be the only child, and was antisocial. During his liver issues he had stopped eating and I spent weeks tube feeding him. Officially he was my girlfriends child, but he bonded with me. So yrs later when she moved out, I got custody. LOL
After losing my 2 17 y/os a yr a part yrs ago, its been just him and I. He totally came out of his shell and became a whole different child. He brought me so much joy. I'm just happy that he was finally able to be that only child. I certainly did lavish him with treats, toys, and attention. LOL

Ok....... now I'll get to the point in the title.

I've done a few types of counselling with people, so am aware that they do and say the wrong things at the worst times. I'm well aware that its not always with ill intent. But I will never get used to how many people can be so insensitive when it comes to the loss of a pet / fur child.

What has happened to common decency and compassion in this world?

Here is a sampling of what I've been getting:
Sorry, why dont ya get a dog?
Look at the bight side, no more cat boxes!
I got a bunch of kittens, want me to bring you one?
Whats the big deal, you can get another one at the pound!
I cant believe you would compare losing a cat to the loss of a child!

And these comments come from people that are supposed to care about me!
It seems that so far the only people showing any compassion are the Medical staff, Crematory Staff, my ex, and my online friends that Ive never met.

Im not surprised. I mean really, look at how people treat people.
I guess Im just ranting because it hurts, and I feel like I have to suffer that pain in silence. So I hope that in putting my pain out to the world, ONE person may think twice when faced with a loved ones loss of a pet.
Its understandable if you dont know what to do or say. A simple, "Im sorry for your loss or pain" would be just fine. Or even just a quick, "Im sorry man".
Please think before you speak!

RIP Old Rocky Man, Daddy Loves You!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I am sorry to hear about your beloved cat's death. My daughter and I have had the companionship of eight magnificent felines. Each and every one was a stray. She just discovered (and was diagnosed with) Asperger's Syndrome last year and wonders if "things" have gotten worse because we don't have any cats in our home now. Animals, and the care of animals, are supposed to be beneficial to people who are autistic. She shows me lots of cute cat and animal photos she finds online and that seems to help somewhat. Take care.
    575 days ago
    I have lost beloved pets and I lost my son January 14, 2012. I also received insensitive comments even about my son. I still grieve at the loss of my son.

    Your kitty was blessed with your love and caring. God Bless.
    emoticon Roberta

    723 days ago
    My favorite t-shirt:
    "I used to be a people person until I had to deal with all the stupid people in the world."

    I am sincerely sorry for the hurt you are feeling. I'm glad you were able to state your position aloud for you via the written process.

    I don't know what I did to get a snowflake from you. But thanks for that, too. It allowed me to read your blog. I will add you as a friend to follow you. I've never encountered a SHAOLINWARRIOR before. I have a curiosity about your strength and sensitivity combined. It's a combination I've only found previously in men of honor.

    738 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/13/2016 10:48:52 AM

    People can be SUCH idiots!!!!!! I wish they would realize that it's better just to shut the hell up, then say something so uncaring and/or ridiculous.

    I am sorry for your pain.
    958 days ago
    I'm sorry! Peace through good memories! out.
    Cat whisperer of balconies Hts.
    1181 days ago
    I'm so sorry for your loss. When I lost my 17 year old road trip buddy, Boo Boo Kitty I was devastated. Even though it's been 7 years, I still think of her often. Some people are unfortunate enough not to know how special and strong the bond can be between us and our furry babies.
    1697 days ago
    If I lost my dog, I would be absolutely devastated. People don't understand the bond that some people have with their pets. My dog comes to work with me everyday. We're basically together 24/7. I'm happily married and don't want children. My dog is my child.

    In other words, I'm really sorry for your loss, I know it's really difficult. *hugs*
    1697 days ago
    This blog brought tears to my eyes and lump to my throat. First off...I am deeply sorry for your loss.

    We adopted our fur-baby Vivi 3 years ago. She's a chiweenie. I've come to the conclusion that while I thought I was rescuing her....she was recusing me. She loves everyone in our family, but she is my girl. We adore each other.

    She helped me through one of the hardest times in my life....she saved me with her constant love and companionship.

    I would be totally devastated if I were to lose her and I honestly cannot even think about it.

    I know that people in general don't get it, but I don't get how they can't. Love is love. Bonds are built and for those of us lucky enough to build that bond with a fur-baby...well we know they are NOT pets, they are family, in every sense of the word.

    My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry that you had to deal with such thoughtless remarks while you are grieving.

    1697 days ago
    I feel your pain. I will pray for you and send love into the universe for you and your beloved angel. I know that pain and it is real. When I had to put my 17 yr old cat down in 2009 I was devastated and couldnt go to work for days. People are so cruel to think its no big deal. Sending you love. Im so so sorry for your loss .
    1705 days ago
    All I can say is those people who are supposed to love you, well, they don't really know you very well, do they?
    Sorry you had to go through all that after such a loss...look, I'm not an animal person, not having been brought up with pets, but I certainly appreciate that the animals are as spiritual as people, energy beings like us, and on this Earth, can be closer to people than their own family....depending on the circumstances.
    My advice is to always counteract such comments by sending waves of Love energy to those who speak without thinking. By interacting with them from your heart, you are blocking their negative energy & it just might hit them so much they think twice about doing it again....
    I send you much Love & Light, in your saddened state....not much I can say to comfort you, except that I do hope you find another fur baby that will capture your heart once more...
    From my heart to your heart....
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Thanks for the welcome to the team....
    Sylvia x


    1715 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/11/2013 9:11:17 PM
    I had to put down my 15 yr. old cat Harvey in 2006. Harvey had gone through a lot of life changes with me (divorce, moving, starting over etc.). When no one else was there for me Harvey was. I totally get where you are coming from. It is very hard to lose our furry children. They love unconditionally and leave paw prints in our hearts. My condolences on your loss.
    1721 days ago
    Bless your heart. No one has a right to say anything other than kind, sympathetic words when you lose a soul you love. I'm sorry for your pain. We (my husband and I) still grieve our bulldog baby Dizzy, who died of old age in my husband's arms 4 years ago this August 18th. She was never "only a dog" anymore than your Rocky was "only a cat". You go on and grieve the way you need to and for as long as you need to and try to forgive the insensitivity and ignorance of others. After all, they are "only humans". Take care, my friend.
    1721 days ago
    All words seem trite in this situation, but I am very sorry to hear about your loss.
    1721 days ago
  • 23KAIYA
    Rant away!I love my Neko as much as my other (human) children, and cry when he has a dry nose! People can be stupid and cold, our fur kids never are. They love us without conditions, a lot people I know could learn from our furry family members.
    1722 days ago
    Keep focused for successes. God will guide you to happiness. You can do it. Go for it.
    1723 days ago
  • DIANE7786
    I truly am sorry for your loss. My guess is those who made insensitive comments don't have pets. It's sad that they don't understand that pets are family--sometimes better. Old Rocky loved you. You'll never forget him.
    1723 days ago
    So sorry for your loss.

    Sounds like Rocky Man was a great kitty!

    Praying for your comfort during this time. emoticon
    1723 days ago
    I am sorry for your loss. I have been in that situation when you lose your pet. Some people are so insensitive and yes mean. Please accept my condolences.
    1723 days ago
    sorry for your loss emoticon
    1723 days ago
    They start out as pets and become family very quickly and only a person that truly loves animals can feel the loss for you. I know when I lost my dog and I was crying my eyes out my mother said oh geez it was only a dog! Only a dog? That little baby use to curl up around my neck every night while I sat on the recliner and would lick my ears for hours like I was her baby and when I lost her OMG I cried for weeks.
    It's a huge loss when it's their time to go to heaven and we have to count on the many beautiful memories that we have had with them.
    I'm so sorry that your hearing such insensitive things as you described and I'm very sorry for your loss. emoticon
    1723 days ago
    I'm so sorry you had to hear those awful comments! I know sometimes people don't know what to say, but I believe those are people that mean well but say nothing. I have lost many pets over the years and it's never any easier. They are part of us, part of our family and their loss is felt just as if we've lost a human family member. Big emoticon to you and I'm so sorry for your loss.
    1723 days ago
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