Friday, May 03, 2013
Ok, I've kind of been struggling with cravings all day. I know they're cravings and not hunger because I asked myself if I would want to eat something else other than what I was thinking of, and my answer was no.
After lunch I started to feel cravings again, but this time I gave in. And I didn't just have a little, I overate by at least a whole meal. So now I'm here feeling a bit panicky, indecisive about whether I'm going to give in to the all-or-nothing thinking and make it worse by bingeing. I hate when you start down the road to bingeing, a lot of times the body (well at least mine does, as I've unfortunately been doing this for years) anticipates a full-out binge and the cravings just become that much stronger.
I was in my most vulnerable situation for behaviors. Home alone, and trying but not succeeding at getting work done.
I'm trying to tell myself it's ok. It wasn't a full on binge, and I probably haven't gone over 3000 calories for the day (which is my approximate non-binge daily goal), so just let it go. If I'm a bit over by the end of the day after dinner it's ok. It's better than bingeing and going way over. I'm telling myself I have work to do, and if I binge I'm going to feel guilty and the feeling of giving up and feeling like a failure does bleed over into work stuff too, so it's totally not going to help me in the end. I'm telling myself I want another sticker on my calendar for a non-binge day. I'm telling myself that if I give in, I'm not practicing my ultimate goal, which is to replace these behaviors/emotional eating with something healthier and more constructive. The more I practice fighting this the better I'll get at it.
I'm telling myself I don't want to post this here, and then have to report that I didn't make it in the end. I might have to take a nap to get through this but that's ok too. I think I'll be ok, but it's not easy...