Doing what I fear
Friday, May 03, 2013
My SparkCoach challenge today is to do what I fear. Well, I fear confrontation. I avoid it like the plague and I'm never very good at it. It stresses me out. A great deal of stress. Did I mention that it stresses me out???
Basically, I view whatever I have to tell people what I'm feeling as confrontation, instead of discussing or just calmly telling people what I want or expect. For example, my roommate leaves her coat all over the house and I hate it. I would prefer that all coats be neatly kept in the coat closet. I hate that she doesn't fill the Keurig until she has to or the water filter jug after she uses it. This morning, I noticed that she put the big floor fan in her bedroom, instead of the one that she took apart last year to clean and then never put back together. I hate that she constantly parks in the driveway and I end up parking on the road because she gets home sooner than I do. I pay more for the place we are living in and I would more than occasionally like to park in my driveway.
Just thinking about discussing any and all of this makes me have a pit in my stomach. I know that I'm a people pleaser and that I really like it when there isn't conflict. But how is it helping my own growth as a person to continually bottle these things up? How is it helping me or her for me to continually enable her by constantly picking up after her?
How do I learn to express myself when something bothers me? How do I express myself at the time and not waiting until I am so fed up that it comes out harshly? Why can't I learn that this is communication that normal humans do? Is there a step-by-step instruction manual somewhere on the internet?
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
I know that I need to learn this basic human skill. I'm so tired of being walked on. I'm not sure that people do it on purpose, but I'm passive enough that they do it anyway because I won't say anything. I am worthy of having my needs heard and met. I am worthy of having my wishes respected. I deserve a voice and the only person standing in my way is me.