Friday, May 03, 2013
I hate to write a negative blog, but this has been bothering me for days. I feel like I am losing my Spark. Everything is like a chore and I hate doing it. I hate all food in general , hate thinking about fixing or even eating it. Weighing, measuring, tracking , taking meds, all of it. I guess I am a little depress. I think about my grand kids, I think of mother's day, my mother being gone, how only 2 of my kids for sure will call me a wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Yesterday my hubby , who has been clam for awhile came in bitching about his job, his life, on and on I just listened , because you can;t say anything that will make any difference to him. I wanted to scream and shout and tell him it is not just his life, it is mine too and I am not living any different from him. I work too, maybe not 12 hours a day at a job , but what I do is hard and mine don't stop there. I have to rush home and have his diner on the table for him and trying to figure out what to fix him and what to fix me is driving me crazy and now I hate to cook too. I have to clean this house, wash clothes, dishes, pack his lunch, set up coffee pot, pick up after him, pay bills, which some of them I have to go out to pay, run and do things for others.It never stops. But he thinks I have it easy. I don't get a Thank you, except from my step father. I don't get , the house looks nice, I just do it and go on. My weight is not moving and I guess I expect to much. I want to scream and shout and walk away from everything and fine a quiet place to be with myself. I ask God to help me get through this. I need ideals to get my weight to start moving . It is depressing when it stays ,or goes up. I don't think it is to much to ask to lose 2 pounds a month, but I guess it is. Yes I have lost a little weight, a few inches, and feel better. I go to all the good things that I have accomplished, but I feel like I am going backwards , my sugars are running crazy again , it takes forever for me to get them under control . Enough I am going to the gym and work some of this negativity off. Take and deep look at what I am doing wrong and try to find my spark, any suggestions ? Down and out in Tennessee.